Africa is for Loovers
by Bressa W
Summary: Sequel to EuroTrip! We're in Africa, and we have addictions! Characters inc: Aragorn, Hiei, Legolas, Haldir, Kurama. The repertoire keeps growing, and now we have the babies as well! Will Aragorn and Faythe split? Will she stop drinking? R&R to find out
1. Welcome to Egypt!

_Disclaimer: Sara owns Taro. You know the drill on everyone else. Oh, yeah…I don't own Shania._

_Author's Note: Wow…we're already at number three. I'd like to remind you that Disneyworld was written in February 2005 and EuroTrip was started in April 2005. Africa was started in June 2005, and here it is…October of the same year. I love every single person who helped these stories come about, and once again, I want to say that I can't believe this all started with a note my best friend wrote me after she got back from a trip with the marching band. Sara, I love you and I hope we're able to write many more stories when Africa is completed. Suuki-Aldrea, thanks for much for reading and reviewing, I love you, too. (Clears throat) So, anyways…here it is. Bon appetite._

**The Adventures of Sara and Faythe**

**3. Africa is for Loo-vers**

**By Sara Brown and Faythe Cook**

**Chapter One**

**Welcome to Egypt!**

Sara stared straight ahead out the car window. Africa was not what she had expected. She had expected a huge desert with scattered trees. Instead, she saw, what seemed like, an endless city.

Cairo, to be exact. She sighed, and laid her head against the window. She missed Hiei, who had gone with Legolas to get a hotel. A nice hotel.

They could afford a nice hotel, because her father had sent them a lot of money. Of course, with the money came her half brother. Taro (her brother) was conversing happily with Jake about something or another.

**Faythe, who was riding shotgun, turned around to look at Sara. "I can't believe we're in Africa! This is so cool!" She sat silent for a moment when Sara didn't respond, then turned around again. "I didn't know Egypt is in Africa!"**

**Sara rolled her eyes and sighed again. Taro, who was sitting next to her, tapped her on the shoulder. "You okay, Sara? You look a little down."**

**Kurama, next to Taro, smiled. "She misses Hiei."**

**Aragorn, driving the van, stared at Kurama through the rear-view mirror. "How do you do that?" he asked incredulously.**

**Kurama shrugged. "It's a gift."**

Sara snorted. "No it's not."

"I'm your best friend?"

"Faythe is."

"Oh come on!"

"You're one of them."

Aragorn looked at them through the mirror. "Don't make me come back there."

"You're driving."

**Aragorn sighed and watched the road. Faythe turned on the radio and found a station that everyone (except her) hated.**

"**Welcome back to WYDF Country Music, on your radio at 101.7 FM. We're going back to our 2-hour set of Shania!"**

**Faythe sang along with the song. Sara groaned. "Turn that garbage off, Faythe!" she shouted.**

"I like that garbage."

Sara reached forward and turned the radio off. "I don't care." Faythe sniffed. "Fine! Whatever!" The radio went back on. Sara smirked and said something to Kurama in German, who smiled and responded in Japanese. Taro joined in, and pretty soon they were having a lively conversation.

"**Stop!" Faythe shouted. Her outburst made the babies cry loudly. "Look, see? Even the babies don't like it when you talk foreign at them." She looked at Aragorn. "Pull over."**

"**Why?"**

"**I'm going back there to be with my babies. Is that okay with you?"**

**Aragorn rolled his eyes and pulled over to the shoulder of the freeway. "I thought you were supposed to stop having mood swings after they were born."**

"**It's been three days! Give me a break." She unbuckled and climbed over the seats and around Sara's row to get to her newborns, who were in car seats near Jake in the last row. She turned to Jake. "You can ride shotgun now."**

**Jake grinned. "How much fun is that?"**

**Faythe scowled. "I'm still not in a good mood. Don't test me." Jake shrugged and got of the van, doing things the easy way. Faythe sat down in between car seats and lifted the infants out of them. "You can drive now, A," she said.**

**Aragorn rolled his eyes again and turned back onto the freeway. He looked at his wife through the rear-view mirror. "Are they okay?"**

**Faythe smiled. "They're fine. I think Shania might have startled them."**

"**Join the club, we've got jackets," Sara muttered.**

**The rest of the drive was peaceful-and Shania-free.**

**THE NICE HOTEL**

"**Welcome to the Nice Hotel, where nice service is the lifeblood of every employee's existence!" a valet driver with a perky pink hat perched on her raven hair greeted. Her smile seemed to be pasted on, and her teeth sparkled against her deeply tanned skin. "Would you like valet parking service today as a complimentary gift of the hotel?"**

**Sara looked at her warily and nodded. "Give her the keys, A."**

**Aragorn obliged and helped pull the babies out their portable baby-basket-car-seat thingies. He chucked Vincent under the chin. The infant smiled, but then again it might have been gas. **

**The valet driver smiled wider (if that was possible) when she saw the babies. "They're adorable!" she cooed. She chucked Vincent under the chin, too, but Vinnie burst into tears and flailed his little limbs when she did. The woman backed away and her smile faltered a little. "The Hotel isn't liable," she said, getting into the van and driving away. When she was gone, Vincent stopped crying.**

**Faythe grinned. "That's my boy."**

**Sara sighed. "Let's go inside. It's too hot out here." They all agreed and went into the lobby to wait for Hiei and Legolas.**

**LOBBY…WITH ARAGORN'S THOUGHTS**

**Aragorn set Vincent's baby-thing on a table and rocked him. He daydreamed while they waited about how his son would be as he grew. He hoped he wouldn't be like his father in most aspects-mostly because Aragorn wasn't the father. He sighed. The thought that these two beautiful babies; one so obviously her mother's child they could be twins (had the baby been about twenty years older) and one very…well, very Elvish. Vincent had blonde hair and bright grey eyes and a musical voice that lifted Aragorn's heart to hear it. What had gotten into Faythe's head to cheat on him?**

**LOBBY…EVERYONE ELSE**

**Sara, Faythe, Taro and Jake were openly staring at Aragorn. "He's so cute when he's thinking," Faythe said happily.**

**Sara scoffed. "From the look on his face, I don't think he's thinking happy thoughts."**

**Kurama, who was playing with Liela, clucked his tongue disapprovingly. "You guys really shouldn't stare," he said.**

"We can stare if we want to, Kurama."

"It's rude!"

"Oh well."

Kurama glared at Sara, who glared right back. Finally, he turned back to Liela. "She's adorable!"

"Kurama, do us all a favor. Never have kids."

Faythe smiled at him and took Liela. "I'll take it from here. Thanks for the help."

"Of course."

It was then that Hiei and Legolas showed up. Sara immediately brightened. She ran over and hugged him. "I missed you!"

"I missed you, too. Let go of me."

"No." **She squeezed him tighter.**

"**Sara, I can't breathe!"**

"**You don't need to breathe," she teased, but she let go of him a little.**

**Aragorn snapped himself out of his reverie and shook his head. "Thanks for checking us in ahead of time," he said to Legolas.**

**Legolas grinned. "The power of technology." He tapped a laptop that was tucked under his arm. "I bought it on my credit card."**

"You have a credit card? Do you even know what that is?" Sara asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Of course!" Legolas puffed his chest out proudly. "I'm not old fashioned."

"Dude, you're wearing leggings…"

"So?"

Jake glared at her. "I like his leggings!"

"Of course you do."

**Jake scowled a little. "What's that supposed to mean?"**

**Legolas threw his free arm around his shoulder. "That you loo-ver me."**

**Sara rolled her eyes. "Can we get this stuff in our rooms now?"**

**Hiei grabbed his bags and handed keys. "Yes we can."**


	2. Keys, Knives, and Relationships

_Disclaimer: I own all the things in this chapter that don't belong to other people. _

_Author's Note: Have you noticed yet that Africa is a little darker than the others? We've grown as we've written these, and so our later stories reflect that growth. I'm sorry is some of the classic humor is gone, but we usually establish a plot before we laugh._

**Chapter Two**

**Keys, Knives, and Relationships**

**HIEI/SARA'S ROOM**

"Is loo-ver even a word?"

Hiei looked up from his suitcase. "I'm not sure. It sounds like Goobers. You know, that jelly stuff your dad eats."

Sara shrived. "Don't remind me." Just then, there was a knock on the door. "It's open!"

"Sara, it's a hotel. I need a key."

Sara sighed and went to open the door. "Taro? Where's your key?"

"Kurama has it."

"**You should both have one," Sara said skeptically. "Does he have both of them?"**

**Taro shrugged. "I guess. I don't really care, Sara. I'll get it from him when I go back to our room." Sara's eyes flashed purple. Taro's eyes widened in alarm. "What are you doing?"**

"**I'm coming with you."**

"Why?"

"Because I want to."

They started out the door. Hiei grabbed her arm and handed her a hat. She growled at him, but took it. She put it on to hide her ears and shut the door behind her.

Hiei just sighed and shook his head. This was going to be a long night.

**KURAMA/TARO'S ROOM**

**Kurama was unpacking his things. He felt bad about not giving Taro his key, but was planning on giving it to him when he got back. Maybe he'd unpack some of Taro's things to make it up to him.**

**There was a loud angry knock on the door. Kurama answered it. "Sorry about not…whoa."**

Standing in the doorway, with a huge knife, was…Faythe.

"Hey! It was the strangest thing! I opened up my door and this knife was in the hallway! Where's the kitchen?"

He gave her a "How would I know?" look before quickly smiling. "I'm sure you'll find it. Try downstairs."

Faythe smiled. "Okay! Thanks!" She slammed the door, and Kurama sighed. He loved her dearly, but…she got on his nerves sometimes. He didn't want to talk to anyone. He wanted to sit in a bath for a few hours, just to escape.

Of course, taking in mind who he was with, that wasn't going to happen. He sighed again and started unpacking Taro's things.

SARA/TARO

"Sara, what are you going to do to Kurama?" Taro asked, frazzled. They were storming down the hallway to Kurama's room.

"I'm not going to do anything to him, but I an gonna give him a piece of my mind!"

Taro sighed. Sara was angry. He could tell because she said, "Gonna." Sara never used improper grammar unless she was angry.

"Why?"

Sara turned to him. "Why? He has your key! _Your_ key! What kind of person does that?"

Taro thought about answering, but held his tongue. It was best to let Sara rant.

Sara stormed up to Kurama's door and pounded on it.

"Coming!" Kurama opened the door and smiled. "Sara! Hello, Taro. What can I do for you?" **He hugged Taro and Sara. Sara didn't hug back. Kurama frowned. "What's the matter with you, Sara?"**

**Sara scowled. "You forgot to give Taro his key."**

**Kurama nodded. "I know. I didn't mean to, though." He pulled the key out of his pocket and handed it to Taro. "Here. Sorry, Taro."**

**Taro smiled, but Sara was still scowling. Taro stared at her in amazement. "Sara, what's the matter with you?"**

**Faythe's door opened from three doors down. She stuck her head out. "She's pregnant!"**

"I. Am. Not. Pregnant!"

Aragorn stuck his head out the door. "Stop yelling!"

Sara glared at him and he dragged Faythe into the room, shutting the door behind him.

Taro and Kurama stared at Sara. "Do you feel better?" Kurama asked.

"Yeah," she said, "a little."

"Good." He turned to Taro. "Sorry about the key."

"No problem." **Taro kissed Kurama on the cheek. "I forgive you."**

**Sara's eyes widened and she stormed away down the hall. "Nobody tells me anything!"**

Legolas passed her in the hallway. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing! Everything is fine!"

She went into her room and Hiei looked up.

"I'm going for a walk," she said and left again."

"Alright." **He shook his head and resumed unpacking. "This is going to be a long trip."**


	3. Elves in Heels

_Disclaimer: If it wasn't mine then, it's not mine now. Anything you see that's new, but don't recognize as someone else's, is mine, unless you don't get the pop culture reference._

_Author's Note: Readers! Where hast thou gone? Please, let's get some R&R love going for these! TGB and I spend a lot of time writing them, mostly for our own entertainment, but we would like some feedback! Pretty please with sugar on top?_

**Chapter Three**

**Elves in Heels**

**LEGOLAS/JAKE'S ROOM**

"**Hey, Legolas!" Jake shouted.**

"**What?" Legolas shouted back from the closet.**

"**What's going on with Taro and Kurama?"**

**Legolas paused for a minute. Finally, he said, "I think they're going out."**

"**Cool! It's not easy being the only gay couple in the group."**

"**Well, now we won't be alone." He emerged from the closet, decked out in designer tie-dye clothing with 3-inch platform boots. "Ta-da! Whaddya think?"**

**Jake shook his head. "Dude."**

"What's the matter? Don't you like it?"

"No."

Legolas glared at him. "Shows how much you know. You have no fashion sense."

Jake was going to respond, but there was a knock on the door. He got up and opened it.

"Faythe, shield your eyes."

"Why?"

**Legolas came out and posed for Faythe. "Don't you loo-ver it?"**

**Jake sighed. "That's why."**

**Faythe blinked. "Where did that stuff come from?"**

"**I bought it."**

"**With what?"**

"**With my Visa. Duh." He sighed and shifted uncomfortably. "I thought it was cool…"**

"Of course you did, sweetie."

Hiei came up to them, took one look at Legolas, and began twitching. "I think I've been blinded."

"Would you mind getting out of here?"

"Sure." Faythe grabbed Hiei and dragged him down the hall.

Legolas looked down at his clothes. "I still don't think I look that bad…"

Jake hugged him from behind. "I know how to make you feel better…"

"Really." **Legolas turned to face him. "I suppose this involves the clothes I spent $300.00 on lying, wrinkled, in a heap at the foot of the bed while we roll around on the bed?"**

"**Maybe."**

"**I'm folding my clothes first."**

IN THE HALLWAY

"That was a very ugly shirt."

Hiei nodded in agreement. "Tie-dye is so not his thing." He paused. "If I ever say something like that again, kill me."

"Sure thing." **Faythe paused for a minute.**

"**What?" Hiei asked.**

"**The twins are crying."**

"**How can you tell?" Hiei asked incredulously.**

"**I'm a mother." And she disappeared into her room.**

**Hiei couldn't even find a sarcastic remark for that one.**

WITH SARA

Sara sighed and sat down on the grass. She needed to compose herself and get control of her emotions. She needed to think.

Sitting "Indian-style" on the ground, she began to meditate.

WITH FAYTHE AND ARAGORN

**Faythe looked at her babies, then at her husband. All three of them were crying. The infants she understood, but why was Aragorn crying? She decided the best way to learn is to ask. "Why are you crying, sweetie?"**

"**This is so frustrating! I changed Vinnie and he peed in my mouth! Then, Liela crapped and it went all the way up her back!" He collapsed on the bed. "And the fact that your little Elvish baby affects my emotions when he cries."**

**Faythe rolled her eyes. "You don't have enough Elf in you, that's all." She looked around. "Where's Liela?"**

"**In the sink."**

"**WHAT!"**

"**I had to wash her off!"**

**Liela was splashing in the sink, which was overflowing with water and…something else.**

"Alright. I'm going to show you how to take care of this."

TARO AND KURAMA

"Were you unpacking my stuff? That's so sweet!"

Kurama blushed and looked down at the ground. "It was nothing. Really."

"I still think it's sweet."

"Hush, you."

Taro just smiled and grabbed a towel. "I'm getting in the shower."

Kurama glared at him. "I was going to take a bath."

"Well, you aren't anymore." **Taro thought for a moment, then grinned wolfishly. "You can join me if you like."**

"**Be there in a sec."**


	4. Information Overload

_Disclaimer: Same as before, same as always._

_Author's Note: Well, here we are, in chapter four of the third Adventures story, and I'm rather disappointed at the love this fic isn't getting. I know TGB is, too. Please, readers, we just want you to hit the little "review" button and type a few words. Is that so hard? So much to ask?_

**Chapter Four**

**Information Overload**

**HIEI**

"**Why am I standing in the hallway?" Hiei said to himself. He started down the hallway, then stopped again. "Where's our room at?" He sat down against the wall and thought.**

"**Well, I know I went this way to get to their room," he said. "And I'm pretty sure that my room is the next hallway over." He sat in silence. Then, "But where is the next hallway?"**

A cleaning lady came up to him. "Is something wrong, sir?"

He glared at her and she ran off down the hall.

That settled it. Hiei stood up and walked in the opposite direction.

**FAYTHE/ARAGORN/TWINS**

"**See? That's how you change a diaper," Faythe said after demonstrating.**

"**Oh. Now what about when he pees in your mouth?" Aragorn asked. His brain felt a little…overloaded. This kind of stuff seemed way TMI.**

"**That's what mouthwash is for." Faythe smiled and held up a freshly diapered and powdered, clean, Liela. "They shouldn't cry after you change them, unless they're tired or hungry."**

"**Seems simple enough." Aragorn set about changing Vinnie. He struggled a little pulling the diaper off.**

**Faythe intervened. "You have to pull the tabs and the diaper comes off." She sighed and took over. "Like this." She successfully removed the diaper and threw it away. "See? It's easy."**

**Aragorn still did it wrong.**

SARA

Meditation had done some good. Sara didn't feel half as angry as she had before and her thoughts were in order.

She stood and stretched before walking again. It was a lovely night for a walk.

Walking was a way for her to escape. She wasn't entirely sure what she was escaping, but that was a minor detail. The truth was, life had been going better than it had for a while. **She was still afflicted with Fox Fire, but that, too, was a minor detail. So she had to wear a trench coat and hat in 100+ weather. She didn't care, right? She sighed and sat back down to meditate. Walking wasn't feeling as therapeutic as usual.**

An old man came up behind her. "Why are you wearing a coat?"

She opened one eye and thought about how to respond. "Because," she said.

"It is very hot out here."

"I know that."

"You're going to-"

"I am trying to meditate, sir. Go away." She didn't want to do anything rash, but she was rapidly losing that battle. **She sighed and repeated her mantra.**

**TARO/KURAMA**

"**Hey, Taro?" Kurama asked. They'd been out of the shower and dressed for a while.**

"**Yeah?"**

"**Are you hungry?"**

**Taro thought about it. "Yes. Let's get everyone else so we can go out to eat."**

"**Good idea." They left to get the others.**

Their first stop was Faythe and Aragorn's room. Faythe answered the door when they knocked.

"Sure, we'll come." She looked meaningfully at Aragorn. "The kids need to be changed."

"So?"

After a few minutes, Faythe sighed. "Fine. I'll do it."

She went into the bathroom with the kids.

Taro and Kurama glared at Aragorn, who looked surprised.

"What?"

**Kurama shook his head. "Never mind. Where're Hiei and Sara?"**

**Aragorn shrugged. "Beats me."**

**Taro raised an eyebrow. "But they're not in their room."**

"**Well, maybe they're with Jake and Legolas."**

"**Maybe…"**

**Faythe came back out, bearing the twins. "Ready to go?"**

"Yes."

They left and went down the hall to the elevators. Kurama pushed the button and they waited for the doors to open.

The doors opened to reveal Hiei.

"Hiei! What are you doing?"

"Riding the elevator up and down." He paused and added, as an after thought, "I couldn't find my room."

Taro raised an eyebrow. "Where's Sara?"

Hiei shrugged. "I don't know."

"**Well, then," Faythe said, "Let's go find her."**


	5. Dinner & Drama is Served

Disclaimer: I own the restaurant and everything else is the same.

_Author's Note: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!_

**Chapter Five**

**Dinner & Drama is Served**

**OUTSIDE**

**They walked the grounds looking for her. After five minutes of searching, though they had no luck and the twins were getting cranky. **

"**This is pointless!" Aragorn shouted. He walked forward a little and tripped over Sara, who was sitting on the grass near the building. Her tan coat blended perfectly against the wall.**

"**Sara! What are you doing out her?" Legolas exclaimed. He was wearing his lovely new outfit.**

**She raised an eyebrow skeptically at the ridiculous get-up. "What're you supposed to be?"**

**Legolas looked crestfallen. "I paid $500.00 for this ensemble. Don't' you loo-ver it?"**

"**No. And stop saying loo-ver!" She sighed and meditated silently to control her anger. "Are you aware that you look like a drag queen?"**

**Legolas put his hands on his hips. "I do not!"**

"**Do, too."**

"**Do not."  
**

"**Do, too."**

"**Do not."**

"**ENOUGH!" Faythe shouted. "Let's just go get something to eat, okay?"**

**Everyone murmured agreement and trudged out to the rental van and the rental car.**

THE RAFIKI

Sara looked up at the sign. "The Rafiki. I loo-ver the name!" She clasped her hands together. "I loo-ver the colors! I loo-ver the word loo-ver!"

Kurama looked at Taro. "This is going to cause a problem."

Taro nodded. "I agree." They looked at Legolas, who was hugging Sara.

"I told you it was a fun word!"

"I was being sarcastic!"

"I'm so glad you love the word!"

"Let go of me, you fruitcake!"

Everyone froze. Sara turned bright red. "I-I don't know where that came from! I'm so sorry!" **She paused, scowled, and walked into the restaurant.**

**Faythe watched her go in, shrugged, and said, "It's the Fox Fire. Sorry." She picked up Liela and went into the restaurant. **

**Aragorn followed her with Vinnie. Everyone else followed, except Legolas and Jake.**

"**I am not a fruitcake," Legolas pouted.**

**Jake put his arm around his shoulders. "Yes you are. Let's go eat."**

**INSIDE**

"How many?"

Sara looked at the man in front of her before turning to count heads. "Eight. Plus two kids."

The man nodded. "Very good. Follow me." He led them to a table and brought them two high chairs. "Our special tonight is catfish," he said, passing around menus. "The wine today is Caprè de Laun. Would anyone like to try some?"

"We'd better not. Thank you."

The waiter nodded and left.

**Legolas pouted. "I wanted some wine."**

**Sara handed him a menu. "Shut up."**

**Hiei stared at her. "What's the matter with you tonight?"**

"**I'm not feeling too well. I'm cranky. And I'm ill with something so awful that you can't ever imagine how bad it is." She put her menu down. "I'm just going to have water."**

The others looked at her, worried.

"Are you sure?" Kurama asked.

"Yes."

The waiter came over and they ordered.

Faythe looked at Sara, who glared at her. So, she turned her attention to her kids.

There was small talk about plans and what not until the food came.

Sara looked at the food. "I think I'm going to be sick." She ran from the table.

The others watched her go.

"Oh, dear… Poor Sara," Kurama said.

"Should we do something?"

Everyone looked at Jake, who flushed. "I take it that's a yes…" **Everyone continued to stare at him. "What? Did I do something? I can't go save her, she's in the girls' room!"**

**Everyone shifted focus to Faythe. "I'll go."**

After she left, Jake looked around the table. "So, did anyone see the Pistons game?"

Taro glanced at Kurama. "What's a 'Pistons'?"

Kurama smiled at him. "I'll explain it to you later."


	6. Mother Hen Syndrome

_Disclaimer: I own Faythe! And TGB owns Sara! Betcha didn't figure that one out, eh? Eh?_

_Author's Note: This is a short chapter about Faythe and Sara and Faythe's newly-found motherly concern for Sara's well-being. It's pretty cute, I think. TGB thinks it's stupid._

**Chapter Six**

**Mother Hen Syndrome**

WITH FAYTHE AND SARA

Faythe walked into the bathroom. "Sara?"

"Go away."

"**What's wrong? Are you okay? Sara, I'm only asking because I care."**

**Sara banged on the wall of the stall. "Stop caring! I don't need you to care!"**

**Faythe pushed at the door of the stall. It was locked. "Let me in, Sara!"**

"**Leave me alone!"**

"**Why? Why should I?"**

"**Because I want you to, that's why!" Sara hit something again and the toilet paper dispenser fell off the wall. "Dammit!"**

**Faythe pressed against the door harder. "Sara, come out her before you hurt yourself!"**

"**I don't care!"**

"**Well, I do!"**

"Well, stop."

Faythe sighed and leaned against the wall.

"You haven't left yet. Have you?"

"Nope."

"Faythe, please. Just leave me alone."

"I'm your best friend! I'm not going anywhere!"

Sara didn't respond. **She pulled her feet up so she wouldn't look like she was in the stall, even though Faythe already knew what one she was in.**

**Faythe frowned. "Sara, even if you don't give a damn about anything, I give a damn about you. If you want me to leave you alone, well, I can't do that. I'm you best friend, and I know more about you than anyone. I can tell when there's a problem. And I'm not going away." She pulled a chair out of the corner of the room. "I'm here for the long haul. Whenever you're ready to come out, well, I'm here."**

Sara tried not to smile. "I know…," she whispered as she faded out of view. With a flash of purple light, Sara was gone.

Eventually, there was a knock on the door. "Faythe? Your dinner is getting cold!"

"Okay, Jake. Sara, are you coming?"

When she didn't get a response, she shrugged. "Alright. I'm here if you need me."

She left the room.

Jake stared at her. "You can't really say that you know…"

"Shut up."


	7. Ms Tunick

_Disclaimer: I don't own Ms. Tunick! She really was our freshman math teacher! And we only exaggerated mildly! She was an awful, awful 28-year-old grouch who moved to Africa to bother little African kids with her "Rise Over Run" theories._

_Author's Note: Heh…guess I kinda put it in the disclaimer, didn't I? Oh, well. Ditto the disclaimer!_

**Chapter Seven**

**Ms. Tunick**

SARA

**Sara looked around the classroom that she was in. This didn't seem like The Rafiki anymore. A teacher wrapped her shouldered with a meter stick. "Sit down." The voice of the teacher brought horrible memories to Sara's mind. The Mad Minutes…the tests…the awful, horrible homework. Ms. Tunick. **

"**Ms. Tunick!" Sara shouted.**

**Ms. Tunick laughed evilly. "Yes. Guess what, Sara? It's time for a Mad Minute! Take out your pencil."  
**

"**I don't have a pencil."**

**Tunick laughed again. "I know! You can have one for collateral."**

"**Collateral?" Sara asked, backing away.**

"**That's right, Sara." Tunick reached for her. "Give me your fingernail."**

"**What!"**

**Tunick pulled out a pair of nail clippers and snipped off one of Sara's long, manicured nails. "Your fingernail." Tunick smiled. "Here's your pencil. Begin!"**

**THREE MINUTES LATER**

"**Time's up. Pencils down."**

**Sara looked at her. "I finished two minutes ago."**

"**Oh. Are you sure?"**

"**Yeah."**

"**Well, then!" Ms. Tunick clapped her hands together. "Let's check it!"**

"**No. That's okay. I really should be going…"  
**

**Tunick laughed evilly. "Don't count on it. You're here FOREVER!"**

**Sara gasped and backed away. "Wait…I can teleport. Good-bye, Tunick."  
**

"**I'm not going anywhere…"**

**Sara smiled. "But I am." She disappeared.**


	8. Cheaters & Liars

_Disclaimer: WHEEEE!_

_Author's Note: Author is only slightly concerned about frequency of WHEEEE moments she's been having lately…that and the strange urge to refer to self in third person. Hmm…_

**Chapter Eight**

**Cheaters and Liars**

**AT THE RAFIKI**

**Legolas was singing and playing with Vinnie.**

_"**You are my sunshine**_

**_My only sunshine_**

**_You make me happy _**

**_When skies are grey_**

**_You'll never know, dear_**

**_How much I loo-ver you_**

**_So please don't take_**

**_My sunshine away."_**

**Aragorn listened to the song. He looked at Vinnie, then at Legolas. Same grey eyes, same blonde hair. Common amongst elves. Same nose. Not so common. "YOU BASTARD!"**

Legolas stared at him. "What are you talking about?"

"Does it make you feel like a man!"

"What? Aragorn, what the-"

"Don't play dumb with me! I know what you did to my wife! I'm going to kill you!"

Suddenly, it dawned on him what Aragorn was talking about. "You're crazy! They aren't mine."

"Am I? Am I crazy, Legolas?"

"Yes! I'm gay! Why would I have…" he covered Vinnie's ears. "…sex with your wife?"

Aragorn paused. Legolas was right. _He's gay_, a little voice in his head told him. Aragorn shook the thought away. "You might have been straight at one time!"

"Don't count on it."

"**How would I know? I didn't even know you were gay until Jake came along! Maybe you didn't know, either!"**

**Legolas raised an eyebrow. Aragorn was looked a little…insane. He'd drawn his sword and there was a little froth on his lower lip, his eyes wide. Then, he remembered. There was a chance that the kids had been his, but that was…roughly nine months ago. Shit. Well, Faythe had just found out about her heritage and Aragorn was out of town, so she'd called Legolas for company. They'd gotten drunk and woke up the next morning, in bed. You get the point. He decided to tell Aragorn later. For now, he just walked away, setting Vinnie back in his cradle.**

Faythe went over to Aragorn. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing." He was going to figure out if Legolas was the father, then yell at Faythe about it.

Taro smiled at him. "My advice? Let it out. There's got to be a tree or something around her somewhere…"

"Taro. Shut up."

To the untrained eye, Taro looked impassive. Kurama, however, saw the brief flash in his eyes. Taro's feelings were hurt.

"I was just trying to help…"

"Well, don't! I didn't ask for your help! None of us did! Just go back to where you came from!"

Now the hurt was visible to everyone. Kurama put his hand on Taro's shoulder. "Aragorn, leave him alone," he said calmly.

"**I'll do what I damn well please! I'm the King, remember?" Aragorn stood, shoulders heaving, knuckles turning white at the intensity his hands were clutching Anduril.**

**Faythe put her hand on his shoulder. "Sweetie? Are you okay?"**

**He slapped her. "You cheating bitch! I hope you die, and your bastard children, too!" He stormed out of the restaurant.**

**Faythe dissolved into tears.**

Kurama looked like he wanted to comfort her, but Taro turned his heel and went towards the bathroom, muttering about going home. He looked at the others and Jake nodded.

"Go. We'll take care of her."

Kurama nodded and followed Taro. Jake watched him leaved and hugged Faythe. "Don't worry. He'll calm down. Besides, it's not like you two were married when it happened."

Faythe started crying harder and Hiei glared at him. "You aren't helping."

**Faythe sniffled. "It w-wasn't my fault!" She started bawling again before she could explain further.**

**Hiei, now intrigued by what she'd said, leaned closer to her. "Stop," he commanded. Faythe stopped crying. "Now, what do you mean by 'it wasn't my fault'?"**

"I don't know what happened! One minute, we're talking! The next, I wake up next to him! I'm so embarrassed! And now he hates me! What am I going to do?"

Hiei didn't have an answer. He'd never had that problem before. Sara was his first relationship and they didn't have any problems. Well, his first real relationship. As for the problems, sure, they fought, but every couple fights at one time or another.

The only problem was, Faythe had a way of making him doubt their relationship. Now was one of those times.

No, that was silly. Sara didn't have anyone else. He shook his head. Right now wasn't the time to worry about this. **He focused his attention on Faythe and her problems. "Aragorn can't possibly hate you forever."**

**Faythe looked at him, eyes red and puffy, in disbelief. "You don't know him very well, do you?"**

**Hiei frowned. "What do you mean?"**

"**If A lets this get under his skin, he won't let up. He'll get a divorce and move to Gondor to avoid me and my bastard children." She started sobbing again. "Oh Valar, I love him so much! I don't want to lose him! What am I supposed to do without him?"**

**Hiei didn't know how to respond. He didn't want to tell her everything would be okay, because he wasn't sure it was going to be. To be honest, he thought Aragorn was long gone and out of the picture forever, but you don't say that to someone who's about to lose the Man she loved.**

**And now he wondered…what exactly did love feel like? Was it what he felt for Sara, or was that something different? Did she really love him?**

**Once again, he commanded himself to stop thinking like that. Of course he loved Sara, and she loved him. Damn Faythe and the way she made him doubt himself!**

**He shook that thought away, too, and laid a tentative comforting hand on her shoulder. "He'll be back," he said, "There's no way he would leave you like this."  
**

**Faythe stopped crying and put her head in her hands. "I hope so."**

**ARAGORN**

**Aragorn was walking around in downtown Cairo in a rage, though he'd calmed down a little. His next step was clear. He couldn't live like this. He passed a divorce attorney's office, turned around, and went inside.**

**KURAMA/TARO**

**Taro had gone inside the empty men's room to think. He sat down on a large cushy sofa and screamed into a pillow. Just as his frustration was released, Kurama came in, probably to try and comfort him, which was very sweet, even if he didn't need it anymore.**

**Kurama sat down next to Taro and put his arm around him. "Hey," he said, giving his shoulder a squeeze. "You okay?"**

**Taro smiled. "I am now."**

"**He didn't mean it, you know," Kurama said gently.**

"**Oh, I know. I'm not worried about that anymore."**

**Kurama's brow furrowed. "Then what's wrong?"**

**Taro answered with a question. "Do you think he'll get a divorce?"**

"**Aragorn? No. He'll come around." Kurama kissed his cheek. "Don't worry. Faythe and Aragorn will be fine. You'll see." He smiled. "These things have a way of working out."**

"**I hope so."**

**LEGOLAS**

**Legolas was wandering around downtown, looking for a good store to shop in. Since he'd gotten his five credit cards, he'd maxed out two and the other three were dangerously close. There were no Gucci's in Egypt, though, and he was loath to shop at a second-rate store.**

**He sighed. He had a problem. Toxic Shop Syndrome, or TSS, as his therapist put it. Legolas had just decided to enjoy the evening and not shop when he passed an attorney's office. He stopped, sure he'd seen Aragorn in there through the large plate glass window. He paused, then went inside.**

**Sure enough, Aragorn was sitting in the waiting room, tapping his foot impatiently. He looked up to see Legolas and jumped. "What in Arnor brought you here?"**

**Legolas shrugged. "Saw you in here."  
**

**Aragorn snorted. "Are you getting a divorce, too? Or would you like to have visitation rights for your kids?"**

"**No. I came to advise against what you're doing here." He sat down. "You still love Faythe, you know. Don't give up on her because she made a mistake."**

"**A mistake? A mistake is forgetting to take a roast out and it burns. A mistake is hitting the mailbox when you back out of the driveway, or making the toilet overflow. She screwed up. I can't look at her without having to fight the urge to impale her. And I can't live like that. To be quite honest, I'm feeling a lot of violent rage towards you right now."  
**

**Legolas sighed. "I won't pretend I don't deserve it. Even if the kids aren't mine, I did have sex with Faythe, which was wrong. I wish I could change what I've done, put you in that bed with her instead of me, and let you love her without wanting to kill her."**

"**I don't want her to die, I just don't want to live with her. I can't take the rush of emotion I feel every time I just look at her." Aragorn scowled. "Why am I even telling you any of this? It's your fault!"**

"**Because you've always come to me with your problems, and even now you still want to hold on to our friendship. Which, in turn, means you want to hold on to your marriage." Legolas smiled. "The kids share my DNA, and the boy is more than half an Elf. That doesn't mean you can't raise them and have them call you daddy. If a divorce will help you, then make sure it'll help Faythe, too, before going through with it." Legolas stood and turned to go.**

**Aragorn followed her. Sometimes there were more important things than pride and image. Sometimes you had to follow your heart, bite your tongue, and just have Faythe.**


	9. Some Wounds Don't Heal

_Disclaimer: Same._

_Author's Note: Sorry. Forgot to warn you about overall seriousness of last chapter. This chapter_ _is mildly more humorous…I hope._

**Chapter Nine**

**Some Wounds Don't Heal**

**SARA**

**While all this drama had been going on, Sara had transported (once again) without a clear destination in mind. She had just thought "Cairo" and no specific place, like The Nice Hotel or The Rafiki. Now here she was, wandering somewhere downtown, completely unsure of where she was.**

**She felt rage building up in her again. Rage wasn't good. She needed to nip the rage in the bud and have it done with.**

**But she didn't feel like it.**

**So, she wandered hither and thither, looking for a familiar face to lay into. Surprisingly, she saw Aragorn and Legolas walking towards her.**

**They must have seen her, too, because they rushed over. "Sara! Where have you been?" Legolas asked.**

**She sighed, releasing a little of the rage. "Dude, you never want to know."**

"**Hm…that bad, eh? Well, ours was worse." Legolas ran a hand through his shiny blonde hair. "Aragorn found out who the father is."**

"**Really? Who is it?" Sara was intrigued.**

"**Me."**

"**Get out!"**

"**I wish it weren't true, but, yeah. Aragorn was out, we were drunk, and I don't even remember it." He thought and grinned. "No, wait. I do remember. Vaguely." More thought. "Oh, Valar, we did that?"**

**Aragorn cleared his throat. "I'm still pissed, and I still have my sword. Watch it."**

"No killing each other," Sara said. "I'm not in the mood to eat you two."

"Right. Wait…what?"

Sara rolled her eyes. "Not explaining." She looked at Aragorn seriously for a moment. "You aren't divorcing her, are you?"

Aragorn didn't answer and Sara glared at him.

"You mean the world to her, you bastard! You can't leave her! Or, you can. Don't expect to survive." She paused. "No. You know what, I'll just kill you now. It'll make me feel better." She lunged at him, but Legolas grabbed her and held her back.

"Aragorn, this might be bad!"

**He nodded and helped the Elf restrain Sara. "Sara, there's a reason behind what I'm doing. I might not even go through with it. It depends."  
**

**Sara slowly relaxed. She stopped struggling to get at Aragorn's throat. "Depends on what?"**

**Aragorn smiled somberly, and he had a tear in his eye. "On whether or not she can forgive me."**

**Legolas rolled his eyes. "Since when are you Mr. Emotional?"**

"Since she's my wife and I love her!"

"Then go apologize!" Sara shouted.

The guys just looked at her.

"You're right. I'm off!" Aragorn ran down the street. Sara and the Legolas watched him leave. "So, what do we do now?"

"Shopping!" Legolas said, way too happy.

WITH FAYTHE/HIEI/JAKE

**Jake was sitting next to Faythe, who was staring off into space. Hiei was paying the bill…for the food, and the furniture that Aragorn ruined on his way out. They had all decided to leave as soon as the bill was taken care of.**

**Jake decided it would be a good idea to let Faythe sit quietly. The last time he'd tried to talk to her, she'd lashed out and given him four deep gashes in his arm, which was extremely uncharacteristic of her.**

**Hiei came back, looking sour. He raised an eyebrow when he saw the bandages on Jake's arm. "What happened?"**

"**She scratched me!"**

"**Obviously. Why?"**

**Jake threw his hands in the air. "How the hell should I know? One minute I was talking to her, the next, I've got centimeter deep claw marks in my arm!"**

**Hiei unwrapped the bandages and looked at the wound. "You'll have to get stitches."**

"**The hell I will! I spend all my time in freaking hospitals! I'm just going to let it heal on its own."**

"**It won't. It's too deep. Go."**

Jake glared at him and Hiei sighed. He didn't feel like fighting right now. "Fine! I'm sure one of us can stitch you up."

Jake smiled and helped Faythe up, leading her out of the restaurant. Hiei sighed again and followed them.


	10. Limbs In Odd Places

_Disclaimer: SAME AS ALWAYS! (This should be sung loudly in an operatic style)_

_Author's Note: We all have addictions. We all have problems. Yeah, yeah, yeah. (This should be sung like some 60's peace-movement song)_

**Chapter Ten**

**Limbs In Odd Places**

THE NICE HOTEL

The group went to their rooms, only to find out that they couldn't get in. Shopping bags were everywhere and, if they listened hard enough, muffled shouting could be heard.

"Never again!"

"It wasn't that bad!"

"It was horrible! Thirty stores! At least a hundred bags!"

"Two of those bags are yours."

This was followed by a scream of rage and the sound of something hitting the floor. The bags and boxes shifted, allowing Hiei to squeeze through. "What the hell?"

Sara, who was searching through her coat, pulled out her hotel key and opened the door. "Legolas decided to go shopping."

"You came with," Legolas said, opening his door. Boxes and bags filtered into the two rooms.

"First of all, you made me come. Second of all…" She couldn't finish. She made a noise, somewhere between a whine and a growl and quickly shut her door.

**Jake took Legolas by the arm and led him into their room, wading through Legolas' many purchases. "Sweetheart, I think you have a problem."**

"**I do not! I can stop anytime I want to," Legolas said defiantly.**

"**No, you can't."**

"**Yes, I can!" Legolas took his wallet and threw it for dramatic effect.**

**Jake retrieved it and took one of his husband's Visa cards. He grabbed a pair of scissors. "Should I cut?"**

**Legolas set his mouth in a grim line, but his eyes were panicked.**

"**Okay, then." Jake started to cut through the card.**

"**NOOO!" Legolas shouted, lunging for the nicked card and rolling onto the bed. "Ha ha!" he proclaimed, lovingly putting the card back into his wallet.**

"**Like I said, you have a problem."**

**W/ ARAGORN**

**Aragorn got to the hotel and ran up the stairs to his room. He stopped when he saw the overflow of expensive shipping bags. "Legolas is home," he muttered to himself, moving as fast as the bags would allow to his door. "I hope Faythe is, too."**

**He went inside and the twins were sleeping soundly in their cribs. Faythe was drinking tequila and singing. She was so wasted, sad, and absorbed in the song that she never noticed he was there.**

"**Hey," he said, and she jumped.**

"**Aragorn!" She threw herself at him and cried. "I thought you'd never come back, I thought you hated me! I'm shorry I was sho shtupid."**

"**Someone's a little snoshed tonight, eh?"**

**Faythe ignored his sarcasm, thankful just to have him back. "I shwear, if you come back I'll never drink again. I'll shtop right now." She knocked the tequila off the table. "Shee? I can shtop anytime I want to."**

**Aragorn chuckled. "C'mon. Let's go to bed."**

**THE NEXSHT MORNING**

"Coffee won't help with a hangover," Kurama said, handing Faythe a bowl of assorted ground-up roots. Sara had added something, but she wouldn't say what.

"Are you guys sure this is safe?" Faythe asked when she poured the mixture into a cup of hot water. She grimaced when it started to bubble and turned blue. "I don't trust blue plants."

Aragorn looked at the stuff. "What does it do?"

"It's poison. She's going to die."

"Sara, that isn't funny."

"I'm not laughing."

"Sara…"

Sara sighed. "Trust me. Nothing bad will happen."

Faythe sipped the stuff. "Not bad…"

"Told you." Kurama and Sara walked back to their rooms.

KURAMA AND TARO'S ROOM

"'Morning, sweetie," Kurama said, sitting down on the bed.

"Good morning," Taro answered groggily.

"What's the matter? You aren't your normal, chipper self."

"I'm never chipper."

"I was making a point."

Taro sighed. "I didn't sleep well."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No." Taro stood up and stretched. Putting on a shirt, he said, "Let's go get some breakfast. I'm starving."

Kurama frowned, but followed him out of the room.

FAYTHE AND ARAGORN

They had just gotten the twins dressed when Sara stormed into the room, tail swishing angrily. "I just talked to Taro in the hall."

Faythe smiled. "How is he?"

"His feelings are hurt." She glared at Aragorn. "You need to apologize."

"I'm the King! I don't need to apologize to anyone!"

Sara was at a loss for a moment. She looked at Faythe, who rolled her eyes.

"You aren't our King, Aragorn."

"Well, I should be! Bow down to me, cretin!"

Sara just raised an eyebrow. Faythe hit Aragorn on the head.

Aragorn blinked. "Sorry. Stereotypical King-like moment."

"Right…"

BREAKFAST

"You have to love these continental things," Hiei said, looking at the doughnuts in front of him.

Faythe smiled and put one on her plate. "I know! Aren't they great?"

"I was being sarcastic."

Faythe gave him a look that clearly said she didn't care. **She turned to Sara. "Aren't you going to have one?"**

**Sara glared at her. "I don't do doughnuts." She grabbed a lot of fruit.**

**Faythe wrinkled her nose. "Ew. Fruit's gross."**

"**At least fruit doesn't go straight to your hips."**

**Faythe subconsciously slid her free hand to her side. "What's wrong with my hips?"**

**Aragorn intervened. "Nothing, sweetheart. Let's go eat." They left and sat down.**

"**You know," Hiei said, "for such an odd couple, they're sweet together."**

**Everyone stared at him, shocked.**

"**Not that I care or anything," Hiei said quickly.**

"Hiei has a soft spot!"

"Shut up, Jake."

"You do!"

Hiei just growled. Jake quickly ate his doughnut. Legolas glared at Hiei, but Hiei ignored him.

Sara and Taro were feeding demonic cookies to the twins.

"Don't worry. It won't hurt them. Much…"

**Hiei rolled his eyes. "You really shouldn't be doing that. You know what happens if you don't eat them fast enough."**

**Sara pouted but waved the cookies back to the Makai. "You're no fun."**

"**My apologies," Hiei said sarcastically.**

"**Hey, hey," Legolas put in, "no arguing at breakfast."**

"**He started it."**

"**No, I didn't!"**

"**Enough! Let's go eat."**

**AT THE TABLE**

**Faythe and Aragorn had picked out a big table that everyone would fit at. Faythe had already eaten her doughnut plus half of Aragorn's. She wisely didn't comment on Sara's breakfast anymore. "Legolas, was it necessary for you to break the bank at Sakk's Fifth Avenue last night?" she asked.**

**Legolas clucked his tongue. "Faythe, you should know there's no Sakk's in Egypt. I shopped everywhere else, though." He was proving it, too, by wearing an equally ridiculous get-up from yesterdays. It seemed the leather tunic was a thing of the past.**

**Sara rolled her eyes. She sniffed and detected liquor underlying the smell of coffee. "Who's drinking?" she asked shrewdly.**

**Faythe put her hand defensively over her coffee. "Not me."**

Sara gave her a dirty look but didn't say anything. Faythe sighed in relief.

"Taro, aren't you going to eat your waffle?" Jake asked.

"I'm not hungry," Taro said, poking the waffle with his fork.

Sara glared at Aragorn, who glared right back. He was King, dammit! Aragorn son of Arathorn, King of Men, did not apologize to anyone! Except Faythe…

Faythe was checking the twins, trying to figure out why Legolas and Hiei kept looking at them.

"What's the matter?" she asked.

"Nothing."

Seeing as how they hadn't sprouted wings or other limbs in odd places, Hiei assumed they were all right.


	11. Demons of a Different Kind

_Disclaimer: Same as always._

_Author's Note: This chapter is a darker one, too. Alcoholism is always a touchy subject, and I hope I don't offend anyone with it._

**Chapter Eleven**

**Demons of a Different Kind**

"Hey Sara," Legolas said, smiling, "where's the outfit I picked out for you?"

"That thing is degrading. I'm not going to wear it."

Legolas sniffled. "I spent a lot of time picking that out!"

"Your time was spent in vain."

"What is it?" Faythe asked.

"It's a dress."

"It's red and very stylish."

Sara's expression clearly said what she thought of the stylish red dress. "I don't wear dresses."

That ended the discussion.

**Faythe took a sip of her "coffee." She turned to Taro. "Aragorn's sorry, you know."**

"**I'm not worried about that," Taro said defensively.**

"**Yes, you are. I'm smarter than I look." Faythe scowled when Sara scoffed. "Anyways, he's just too proud. He feels it, but can't say it."**

"**Can you stop talking about me like I'm not here?" Aragorn said sarcastically.**

**Faythe smiled. "Sure, sweetie." She turned back to Taro. "Anyways, he'll come around. Don't be upset because he can't say how he feels."**

"**Once again," Aragorn said, angry, "I cordially request for you to stop talking about me like I'm not in the room."**

"**If you'd apologize, we wouldn't be talking about you at all."**

"**FINE! I'M SORRY! I KNOW I'M AN ASSHOLE, SO CAN WE MOVE ON NOW?"**

**Sara looked at him. "That wasn't a very sincere** apology."

"I said it, didn't I?"

"You didn't mean it."

"That doesn't matter!"

Taro looked up from his waffle, which he still hadn't touched. "Give it up, Sara. I'm fine. Angela was the same way. You know that."

"But…"

"It's fine!"

Everyone stared at him. Taro was yelling? He never yelled; in fact, Faythe had pointed out once that he reminded her of a character from a book she read. All of his emotions looked the same.

Aragorn felt like a jerk. "Taro, I'm sorry."

"It's…"

"No. It's not okay. I had no right to treat you that way. You were trying to help. I really am sorry."

Taro didn't say anything. He finally ate some waffle, scrunching his nose. He looked at Kurama. "It's too cold."

Kurama resisted a strong urge to yell.

"It wouldn't be cold if you ate it earlier," he said, a little too calmly.

Taro glared at him. "Don't get snippy with me," he said.

"Hey! Don't fight, you two."

"We weren't fighting, Faythe," Kurama said. He smiled at her.

"We never fight," Taro added. They looked at each other, still smiling.

"Aww!" Legolas clasped his hands together. "They loo-ver each other!"

"Duh."

Sara gasped. "Taro knows an all-American phrase!"

"Oi…"

"Never mind."

"Sara, 'duh' isn't an all-American phrase."

"Close enough."

Faythe sighed. Sometimes, there was no arguing with Sara. **She smiled. "Well, what are we going to do today, guys?"**

"**Shopping!"**

"**NO!" Sara yelled at Legolas. "We are NOT doing that again!" She shuddered. **

**Hiei glared at Legolas, who looked shocked. "What? Did I say something?"**

**Aragorn rolled his eyes. "You have a problem."**

"**No, I don't! I don't need to shop!" Legolas exclaimed.**

**Faythe scoffed. "Yeah, and I'm not an alcoholic."**

**Aragorn looked at her, shocked. "You're an alcoholic?"**

**Faythe smiled sadly. "I hide it well, don't I?"**

"**For how long? How long have you been an…an…" Aragorn couldn't bring himself to say the word.**

"**Alcoholic, yes. And it was before I met you, don't worry about that."**

"**Who else knows about this?" Aragorn demanded.**

**Legolas shifted uncomfortably and raised his hand.**

**Aragorn stared at him. "And you didn't think to tell me about this because…"**

**Legolas shrugged. "I thought you knew."**

**Sara shouted, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 'I THOUGHT YOU KNEW'!" Up until then, she'd been pensive and quiet, probably trying to control her rage. That attempt failed. She flew off the handle. "MY BEST FRIEND IS AN ALCOHOLIC AND NO ONE'S SAID ANYTHING ABOUT IT BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT WE KNEW?"**

"**Sara…" Hiei said warningly.**

"**Don't 'Sara' me! I've got a right to be angry!"**

"**Oh, dear," Faythe said softly, taking a sip of her spiked coffee.**

"**Give me that!" Sara demanded, taking the mug out of Faythe's hands.**

"**Hey, that's mine!" Faythe exclaimed. "Give it back."**

"**Fat chance! I'm not going to let you drink! You need help!"**

**Legolas sighed. "At least we got off my shopping habit."**

"Sara, give me back my coffee!"

"Hell. No." She sniffed the coffee. "Do you have any idea how much alcohol is in this!"

"Yeah. I put it in there. I should know."

Sara sighed and slammed the cup down. "Fine! Waste your life away! See if I care! Don't come crying to me if something happens."

She sat down in a chair angrily and refused to talk when the others tried to get her attention.

**Faythe couldn't bring herself to drink. She felt guilty as hell, and she didn't want to sit with all this tension focused at her. She gut up and started to walk away.**

"**Where are you going?" Legolas asked.**

**She shrugged. "I'll be back later." She left.**

**Sara glared at Legolas, but didn't say anything. Legolas soon became uncomfortable under a piercing gaze. "What? I didn't make her drink."**

**Aragorn sighed. "No, but you could have told us about it before it reached this point." He flung his glass against a wall and it shattered. "Now what the Valar am I supposed to do?"**

"**If we haven't known this far along, she either drinks frequently but in moderation or she stays sober and binges when she's stressed," Kurama put in. "So the addiction isn't unbreakable. Some among us-" he shot a pointed glare at Legolas "-have more serious addictions to address."**

"**Hey, at least my shopping won't give me cirrhosis of the liver, okay? The only thing affected by my addiction is my band account."**

**Jake shook his head. "You mean our bank account."**

"**Yeah, our—oh." Legolas hung his head and sighed. "Sorry. I promise I'll never shop again."**

**Just then, a woman in flamboyant clothing came over, bearing flyers and balloons. "Sale at Cairo's Finest Jeans, Inc.! BOGO half off!" She passed around the flyers and gave Sara a balloon. Sara shot her a death glare and the woman scampered away.**

**Legolas looked over the flyer carefully and eagerly. "Let me rephrase that; I'll never shop again—after today. See you later!" He left.**

**Taro, waffle now eaten as well as a piece of toast, smiled weakly. "Well, what do you guys wanna do today? We could go see a musical, or visit the pyramids…or we could hang out and chill all day. What do you think?"**

**Aragorn got up. "I think I need to go get Faythe."**

**Jake left, too. "It'd be a good idea to stop him before he shops us into bankruptcy."**

**The four who were left—Sara, Hiei, Kurama, and Taro—looked at each other. "What now?" Hiei asked.**

Sara finally somewhat calm, smiled. "I have an idea." She left the hotel and the others tailed after her.


	12. Sara's Idea

_Disclaimer: Same. Sara owns the mention of Lady Hara._

_Author's Note: Wow…when TGB wrote this, I was kind of like, "what?" because I'm not really much of an anime fan. Maybe there's a reference in here to something other than TGB's own insanity, because I really don't understand this chapter too much. You'll notice it's entirely written by TGB, and none of it is mine. That's 'cause I was a little too weirded out to try to get inside this._

**Chapter Twelve**

**Sara's Idea**

"Taro? Did you hear me?"

Taro had heard all right. He continued to stare at Sara. "Why do I get the feeling this will land us in jail?"

"Because it usually does," Hiei said.

Sara pouted. "You guys are just paranoid."

"With good reason. Do you remember the time Koenma threw you in jail?"

"Yeah." Sara sighed. "My finest moment."

"You were drunk!"

Taro looked at Kurama. "I haven't heard this story."

"Really? I'm surprised. It really was her finest moment. She…"

Sara clapped her hands together. "Never mind. It was Sona, anyway. She's the crazy one. Not me. Now…are we leaving?"

The others sighed and nodded. Kurama crossed himself. "I feel band for the people we're about to terrorize."

FIVE MINUTES LATER

"I can't believe you stole that," Kurama said quietly.

"I'm not," Taro said. "I'm surprised we out ran those guards."

Sara frowned. "Why? We're all demons."

"They had guns!" Kurama said.

"Those were guns?"

Everyone stared blankly at Taro.

"What? I've never seen one before."

Kurama hugged him. "It's alright." After a silent pause, he asked, "Did you run through a sprinkler?"

"What's a sprinkler?"

(TGB: This would be time for an anime style fall over. Don't know? Don't care.)

"Do you hurt anywhere?"

Taro stared at him blankly before smiling.

"Of course not. What a silly question."

The others didn't buy it. "It that you talking, or is that Demikotsu?" Sara asked.

Taro hung his head. "Demikotsu."

"Alright. Take off your shirt."

"Now? We're in the middle of a pyramid! It's cold and dusty and…"

"Now."

Taro did so, shivering slightly.

"Oh Inari…" Kurama whispered.

WITH THE GUARDS

"I know they went in this chamber."

"Foolish man! They went down here!"

The third guard sighed. They were never going to get that coin back.

SARA, TARO, HIEI, KURAMA

A third bullet landed on the stone floor with a plink and Sara started on the fourth. "Three more."

Taro bit his wrist, trying to hold the cry in. He failed miserably.

"Three more. Hold on. I have to stitch you up, though…"

Tears swelled in Taro's eyes but he didn't let them fall. Instead, he clung to Kurama. "I won't cry. I won't cry. I won't cry…After all, I know what happens."

(TGB: I thought now would be a god time to explain Demikotsu and a little bit about Taro. Gomensai!

**Bressa: O.o)**

FLASHBACK

"Take it like a man, Demikotsu!"

The whip crashed against his back again. Taro whimpered slightly. Demikotsu was gone. The accident had assured that. Why couldn't his mother understand?

"Do you remember the first lesson I drilled into that head of yours?"

Taro nodded slightly. Lady Hara that hurt!

"What was it?" she asked, bringing the whip down again. "What was it your stupid little boentha?" (Boenthathink of the nastiest, most hurtful name you know. That's nothing compared to calling someone a boentha)

"I'm…" He bit his lip /Pain! Sona, it hurts/

"You're what?"

"I…I'm worthless!"

"Say it again!"

"I'm…Hon!" He fought back tears.

Suddenly, everything stopped.

"Are you crying?"

"Oh Lady Hara no! Don't let her…see…" he whispered.

"You pray now? The Lady won't help you. She appreciates this. She helps me. Now, you had better not be crying. You remember what happens. I've told you what happens."

"No…Please…I wasn't…"

His mother sneered. "Too late."

BACK AT PRESENT TIME

"All done!" Sara said cheerfully as she tied off the thread in a knot.

"Good," Kurama said, looking uneasily at Taro. "You alright, sweetie?"

Taro, who was still doing the flashback, jolted to attention. "Yes." He looked at Sara. "So…what does that coin do?"

"Do you remember the time we were running from that King and he got us in the desert and took all of our things?"

"Yes…that isn't that coin, is it?"

Sara smiled. Kurama and Hiei looked at each other, both afraid to ask.

"What does it do?"

In response, Sara just twirled her fingers, setting the coin in a spinning motion.

Kurama stopped and just watched it move.

"Hypnosis at its finest. Of course, that isn't all it can do. This the most enjoyable, though."

"Is he going to be okay?" Hiei asked.

"Only if I want him to. Now, what should we make him do…"


	13. Breaking the Habit

_Disclaimer: Mine! All almost mine! Ah haha! Ah haha haha haha!_

_Author's Note: I'm so sorry for all the angst in these last few chapters. I guess what I write is a reflection of what we feel, and right now...we're not feeling so hot. I hope we feel like cracking jokes soon. :-)_

**Chapter Thirteen**

**Breaking the Habit**

**WITH JAKE**

**It was a good thing there were addresses to the different CFJ, Inc. stores in town. Jake hit every one and searched top and bottom for Legolas. He finally found him in the downtown store. Legolas had a "personal shopping assistant" and the poor kid was covered in clothes.**

"**Legolas! What are you doing?" Jake demanded, storming over to him.**

"**Hey, sweetie! So glad you're here." He held up a pair of sparkly blue jeans. "What do you think of these?"**

**Jake checked the price tag. "$500 for some glittery jeans? I think they're a waste!" He glared at the kid under all the jeans. "Aren't you supposed to stop people from breaking the bank?"**

"**Hey, it's a summer job, okay? Leave me alone."**

**Jake growled a little and said, "You are to go through these purchases and discard everything that is more than $50."**

**Legolas whined. "But that leaves sunglasses and hair accessories."**

"**You bought hair accessories?" Legolas nodded. "What in the hell do you need hair accessories for?"**

"**To match the jeans."**

**Jake dragged Legolas out of the store and away from the entrancing storefront windows. "You are going to learn how to bargain hunt and still look good," he said. "And you're going to learn now."**

**With that, Jake dragged Legolas into a thrift store.**

**WITH FAYTHE**

**She wasn't drinking. She was in the hotel room, watching TV and drinking chocolate milk, eating donuts. Her alcoholism wasn't a problem to her anymore; she'd grown comfortable being a little buzzed and still mostly sober. Her booze was her friend, not her enemy. She didn't want to quit.**

**Just as SpongeBob came on (thank Eru for satellite), Aragorn rushed into the room. "Put the bottle d-…oh. You're not drinking."**

**Faythe smiled. "Nope."**

**Liela started to cry and Faythe got up to see if she was okay. When she approached the crib, Liela calmed down and burped…fire. Fire! **

"**Oh my Valar! My baby's on fire!" Faythe screamed. Then she realized why she was burping fire. "Oh my Valar! My baby's a demon!"**

"**What?" Aragorn asked warily. He stole to Faythe's side and looked down at the baby. She was cooing and looked happy. Her blanket was scorched. "Why is she a fire demon? I thought your side was all water."**

**Faythe shrugged. "So did I." She thought about it. "It was probably Great-uncle Max. He always was a little hot-tempered." (ba-dup ching!)** (TGB: that's terrible)


	14. Cross Fics With a Hint of Manga

_Disclaimer: Ummm…this whole crazy mini-anime in the fic is entirely belonging to TGB. I claim NO OWNERSHIP to the plot in this chapter._

_Author's Note: Like I said in the disc., this is all TGB's crazy idea. Well, the idea of fic-manga in my story, anyways._

**Chapter Fourteen**

**Cross Fics With a Hint of Manga**

**SARA/HIE/KURAMA/TARO**

"What should we have him do?" Sara asked again. This was followed by various responses, including some that Sara would never subject Kurama to.

"I've got it! Kurama, when I clap my hands you will…"

"Wake him up!" Hiei said suddenly.

Sara looked at him. "Why?"

Taro's eyes widened when he looked behind them. "That's why."

The guards were coming after them.

Sara woke Kurama up. "Sorry," she said. "No time to explain. Run!"

They sped down one of the passageways.

"Wasn't part of your training to steal stuff without getting caught?"

"It was part of your training, too, Taro!" Sara shouted.

Taro didn't respond. Instead, he dove into one of the many chambers. Unfortunately, he didn't expect to pitch into vast nothingness.

"Lady Hara!" he shouted as he fell.

The others, not really paying attention, fell in after him.

They landed on the hard floor with a thud.

"If anyone asks who they are, I'll shoot the culprit."

"You don't have a gun, Sara," Hiei said.

"How do you know?"

Kurama groaned. "…My head…"

"Oh my God! He's a zombie!"

"Sara…"

"He's looking for his head! Where's my gun? I'll shoot the sonova-"

"Sara! I'm alive!"

"Well, how would I know? It's too dark in here to see anything!"

"You're right. Lumos!" Taro said.

"Lumos?"

"It worked for Harry Potter."

"I knew letting you read those books was a mistake," Sara said. "Sheng!"

The coin lit up and Sara smiled. "It recognizes me! This is great!"

"Where are we?"

"Oooh! It's an adventure!"

"Don't even think about it. Kurama, are you alright?"

"Hmm? Oh! Yes, I'm fine."

Taro smiled. "Good."

Sara was looking at Kurama. She poked him. "He didn't bite me. We're safe."

Hiei stood and stretched. "We might as well go down this tunnel. We have nothing better to do."


	15. A Hint of Cross References

_Disclaimer: Same as always._

_Author's Note: We spent over 100 hand-written pages in Cairo! Now, believe you me, that was not the intended plan when we started writing this. Finally, next chapter, we will be moving on._

**Chapter Fifteen**

**A Hint Of Cross References**

WITH JAKE & LEGOLAS

"I don't know which on to pick!" Legolas cried.

"I'm sorry. You can only have one."

Legolas looked from one shirt to the other. "This isn't fair!"

"Life isn't fair sometimes."

FAYTHE & ARAGORN

Faythe smiled at Liela. "I'm so proud!"

Aragorn rolled his eyes. "You know, this is going to be a huge problem."

"Why?"

"Why? She scorched her blanket!"

Faythe clearly didn't see the problem. Aragorn sighed. **Faythe stared at him, dumbfounded. "You're embarrassed, aren't you?"**

"**No! I just don't think this is a good thing, that's all."**

"**What do you mean it's not a good thing? It's a great thing!"**

**Aragorn sighed and sat down. This was going to be a long trip.**

**DOWN THE TUNNEL**

**Sara, Hiei, Kurama, and Taro sped down the passageway. There was a shiny light at the end of it.**

"**Hey, I think we're going up!" Taro said excitedly.**

"**Oh, but we were having so much fun," Hiei said sarcastically.**

"**There they are! Get 'em!" the guards shouted from behind them.**

"**Sara, now might be a good time to get us out of here," Kurama said quietly.**

**Sara nodded. "Good idea." She focused on The Nice Hotel and all four of them were lifted from the pyramids to the hotel.**

**The guards sighed. "We lose more thieves that way."**

**JAKE/LEGOLAS**

"Are you sure that's the one you want?"

"Yes," Legolas said, sighing. "Let's go home."

Jake put his arm around Legolas' shoulders. "I'm proud of you." He thought for a moment. "Home?"

Legolas groaned as he paid for the clothes. "We've been here too long."

"Yeah. Let's find the others. We need to move on."

NICE HOTEL

"What room are they?" Jake asked.

"Thank God for sonar!"

Both Jake and Legolas looked at the child next to them.

"It's Bat Boy!" Legolas said. He was waving his arms frantically. "Take a picture!"

Jake shook his head sadly. "I knew Faythe shouldn't have let you read those magazines. They've gone to your head."

Legolas, however, was too busy digging through his bag for a camera to answer. "Found it! Hey, Ba- Where did he go?"

Jake sighed. "The heat is getting to us. I need a beer."

"**Let's go to Faythe's room, then. She knows where ours is and she'll have beer." Legolas pranced down the hallway to Faythe's room and knocked. Aragorn answered, looking tense.**

"**What?" he asked impatiently.**

"**Good day to you, too," Legolas replied. "We need beer and directions."**

"**Well, we have both, depending on where you're going." He frowned. "Where are you going?"**

**Jake blushed. "To our hotel room."**

**Aragorn barked a laugh and held the door open wider. "Sorry about the smell. Lee has a bit of…um, well, she-"**

"**She's a fire demon!" Faythe said from the corner where the cribs were.**

**Aragorn grimaced. "Yes, she's a fire demon."**

**Just then, Sara and company burst through the door. "Let's go to Kenya!" Sara exclaimed.**

**Legolas clapped his hands together. "Ooh, we can go on a safari!"**

"**And pet the giraffes and the zebras…" Faythe sighed. "When do we leave?"**

"**Now."**


	16. A Useless Chapter Full of Dialogue

_Disclaimer: This is the last one, I swear. I need to stop writing one for every chapter. From now on, just discern what you think is mine and what you think belongs to someone else._

_Author's Note: Wheeeeee! Kenya!_

**Chapter Sixteen**

**A Useless Chapter Full of Dialogue**

"**PREPARING" FOR KENYA**

"What's the rush?" Aragorn asked as he loaded the last of their luggage onto the bus they had "bought."

"Dude, you don't want to know," Taro said.

"You've been spending too much time with Sara. You're starting to sound like her."

"I know."

Sara came up behind them, holding Vincent. Faythe followed her.

"What's this I hear about your kid being a fire demon?"

"Yes. She is."

"You don't seem very proud."

Aragorn smiled. "I'm very proud. She scorched her blanket and everything already."

"Very nice." She smiled at Vincent. "You know, if all kids are as sweet as him, I wouldn't mind having one."

"Don't even think about it," Hiei said.

Sara sniffled. "Fine. I'll find someone else!"

"You're joking, right?"

"Duh."

Legolas walked over to them. Sara looked at him and tried to hide behind Aragorn. "Save me!"

Sunlight flashed off of an almost metallic shirt.

"It isn't as 'bad' as the last one…" Legolas said, pouting.

Judging from Sara's expression, she didn't agree.

"Give me a break! Just because you have no fashion sense…"

Sara raised an eyebrow and snorted. "Right. That's it."

Faythe interjected before Legolas could respond. "So, what are the plans for today?" she asked cheerfully.

"We drive the bus, don't get lost, and try not to hit anything," Sara replied.

"Actually," Kurama said, thoughtfully, "that sounds like a half-decent plan."

Sara smiled. "Of course it does."

Hiei was staring at the bus. "Where did we get this?"

Sara and Faythe smiled.

"You know what, I don't even want to know."

**Sara rubbed his head. "I'll tell you later."**

"**Stop it."**

**She stopped and smiled. "Let's go!"**

**They all piled onto the bus and took off.**


	17. Haldir the Chicken

_Author's Note: When are we going to introduce a new character, you ask? Why, in about five paragraphs, as a matter of fact! Enjoy._

**Chapter Seventeen**

**Haldir the Chicken**

**3 HOURS LATER…**

**The bus was a rockin' good time. Although it was yellow and had "Cairo Public Schools" printed on the side, it was a good ride and had room for all.**

**Faythe grinned. "Group song! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves/Everybody's nerves/Everybody's nerves/I know a song-"**

"**SHUT UP!" Sara yelled. "You are getting on my nerves!"**

**Faythe grinned wider. "Exactly."**

Sara looked like she wanted to hit Faythe, but she withheld the urge. Hitting Faythe would not be the greatest thing to do while holding Vincent.

"I thought you hated kids," Taro said, looking at Vincent.

"Do you see him requiring any attention? No. Therefore, I like him. Constant attention isn't my thing."

Jake smiled at Hiei. "There you go. No mini Hiei's."

It was then that Legolas spoke up.

"Guys…I think we might be lost…"

Everyone was quiet as that sank in.

"What!" Faythe finally asked. She wasn't on the verge of panic yet. "We were driving in a straight line! It isn't that far to Kenya from Cairo!"

"That's beside the point," Legolas said.

"That was the point!"

"Legolas…" Taro said quietly. "Why are you still driving if we're lost?"

Legolas smiled. "Because we can!"

"**Pull over! Now!" Sara demanded. She'd covered Vinnie's ears before she shouted.**

"**Where's the map?" Aragorn asked Legolas.**

"**Umm…what map?" Legolas replied.**

**Faythe rolled her eyes and got on the laptop. **"This is insane," she muttered.

"This whole trip has been insane," Kurama said. "It will probably continue to be insane."

"Probably? It's a guarantee!" Faythe exclaimed, typing rapidly, searching Google for a map.

Taro was looking at the laptop from over her shoulder. "A map won't help if we don't know where we are…"

Faythe gave him a dirty look before clicking a link. "Found one!" She pointed to the screen. "We're right there."

The others looked at her skeptically and she smiled. "Trust me."

Sara sighed. "If I had a dollar for every time you said that and something went wrong."

Taro glared at her. "That isn't nice."

Sara gave him a look that clearly said she didn't care.

Faythe, being the mediator of the group, quickly interrupted. "Legolas, turn around. We went the wrong way."

Legolas nodded and turned the bus around.

It was calm for about five minutes.

**_BAM_**

"Oh my God! We hit something!" Legolas shrieked. The bus skidded to a stop.

"It was probably an oliphaunt…" Taro said quietly, looking out the back window.

"Don't be ridiculous," Hiei said as he got off the bus. "We'd know if we hit an elephant."

"You're a bad example!" Sara told Aragorn as she followed Hiei. "Teaching him incorrect words and what not. For shame!"

"We probably just blew a tire!" Jake shouted after them.

"Then we have a problem," Faythe said. "I told Sara we should have grabbed a spare…"

Aragorn smiled. "I'm sure she thought of that and took one."

"Don't count on it!" came the reply the back.

**Aragorn ignored her and went outside to see what was wrong. He stopped dead when he saw who was dangling from the grill of the bus—Haldir. "Valar! What happened? Why did you cross the road?"**

**Haldir opened an eye and smiled weakly. "To get to the other side." (ba-dup ching!)**

**Faythe ran out of the bus. "Haldir! Long time no see! You look…like road kill. What're you doing here?"**

"**Am I not allowed to visit?" He unattached himself from the grill and stood up, stretching. As was usual with Elves in situations where they'd be dirty, he was as good as new. There's some gene in Elves that keeps them clean, no matter what happens. It's so annoying! Think about it; you're in the middle of a terrible storm, and you're trapped outside in it with an Elf. The wind and rain are blowing your hair every which way and totally soaking it, and when you finally get inside, the Elf is spotless. We must admit, it drives us crazy!**

**But we digress.**

**Legolas came barreling out and hugged Haldir. Haldir hugged him back stiffly. "Darling! How did you find us?"**

"**Galadriel has a tracking device on that one," Haldir replied, pointing to Faythe.**

"Why?" Faythe asked.

Haldir just smiled.

"You're a trouble maker," Sara said, looking down at Haldir. She kicked him, causing him to groan.

"Sara!" Faythe scolded.

"What do you want me to do? Heal him?"

"That would be nice."

Sara snorted and turned away. "I'm not going to heal him. Find someone else."

Faythe sniffled.

"No."

"Please?" Oh God, not The Look.

"Fine!" Sara shouted, throwing her hands in the air. "Although, he shouldn't have been walking there in the first place. He shouldn't even be in Africa."

"What are you doing in Africa, anyway?" Aragorn asked, more than a little shaken up.

Once again, Haldir smiled. "Following you."

"Why?"

Haldir shrugged. Why, indeed. He had no reason to follow them. "Galadriel asked me to."

"Wonderful," Sara muttered. "It isn't enough that we have humans after us. Now, we have Elves! What's next? Demons? What about an angel? Haven't seen one of those in a while!"

"Sara…" Taro said, "Calm down."

Hiei had a faster method. He hit her right across the face.

Sara stopped and stared at him.

Haldir spoke up. "I feel better now!"

No one paid him any heed.

"That was mean," Sara told Hiei before turning to Haldir. "I don't think I saved him…"

"I said I was fine," Haldir said.

"Strap the body to the top of the bus. We'll bury it in the desert," Jake said.

"I'm fine!" **Haldir shouted. Shouting was rare for him. Those who knew him; Faythe, Aragorn, and Legolas; stared blankly. Something was wrong here.**

**Jake sighed. "Whatever." He went back on the bus.**

**Legolas looked at Haldir quizzically. "What's up with you? You're not yourself."**

"**I apologize. It has been a long trip." Haldir smiled. "Shall we leave now?"**

"No one said you were coming with us," Sara said.

Haldir ignored her and got on the bus. "I'm going to enjoy a rest," he said as he sat down.

Faythe and Aragorn followed him. Taro got on next while Sara and Hiei checked the bus for damage.


	18. Catching Up

_Author's Note: Banana Republic next chapter! Be afraid. Be moderately afraid._

**Chapter Eighteen**

**Catching Up**

"Well," Sara said as she got on, "We did more damage to him than he did to the bus. Good thing, too. Being stuck in the desert was not part of my plans."

Haldir glared at her and she glared right back.

"Am I missing something?" Taro asked Kurama quietly.

"I think we both are."

**Faythe sat down next to Haldir and began asking him questions. "Hey! It's been so long!"**

"**Nearly 5 yen, Awynel. Erm…Faythe." He smiled as generously as he knew how. "Have you been well?"**

"**Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Listen, what're you doing here?"**

**Haldir sighed. "It is a long and complicated story. I do not have the heart to tell it to you." He looked at her directly. She noticed a sadness in his soul that usually wasn't there. "Please, let us enjoy our visit without the pain of dredging up certain memories. Not yet. In time, I shall tell you."**

**Faythe nodded and let it go—for now.**

"I'm not buying it," Sara whispered to Taro. "Why go to all that trouble?"

"You don't trust him. Do you?"

Sara neither agreed, nor disagreed. Instead, she smiled. "You know me." The bus lurched to a stop and everyone practically flew out of their seats.

"Sorry!" Legolas shouted.

"Not as sorry as you're gonna be," Sara muttered.

TEN MINUTES LATER

Legolas sniffled as Jake patted him on the shoulder. "I'm sure Sara will let you drive again soon."

"Don't count on it," Hiei said. In truth, he felt better now that Legolas wasn't behind the wheel.

"She has anger problems," Haldir said. "That's all." He smiled. "To think, she's going to rule some day. And, her being who she is…that might come sooner than you think."

Taro glared at him. He wasn't sure who Haldir was, but he didn't like him…

"Oh, stop it," Faythe was saying to Haldir. "You're perfectly nice to everyone else. Leave them alone."

"I was only saying…"

Aragorn cleared his throat. "Those two wouldn't hurt each other, no matter what the circumstances, Haldir."

"I was just saying…"

"Shut up!" This, surprisingly, was Sara and Hiei's addition to the conversation.

"Faythe, which way do we turn?"

"Go left, Sara."

"Oh my God!" Legolas shouted. "A Banana Republic! Way out here, too. We have to pull over!"

Sara just ignored him.

"Nooo!" Legolas opened the emergency door at the back of the bus and jumped out.

The bus screeched to a halt as the passengers watched Legolas run to the store.

"He's obsessed!" Sara shouted, throwing her hands in the air.

"I'll go get him," Jake said, sighing.

"We'll all go," Faythe told him.


	19. Shopping Spree!

_Author's Note: I can't wait to get all this up! That's why I've been posting four chapter at a time. But, I ran out of uploaded chapters at eighteen! So, here I am, formatting frantically in the middle of the night, trying to get all 171 pages (handwritten) into the computer. And this chapter is only, like, 120! I've got a lot of work to do._

**Chapter Nineteen**

**Shopping Spree!**

BANANA REPUBLIC

"Preppy…clothes…Bright…colors! I need black!"

'Sara, please calm down," Taro said quietly.

"Right. Sorry."

Hiei looked around. "We've all gone to hell…"

"I'm surprised Martha Stewart isn't here," Aragorn said.

**Legolas clucked his tongue. "You should know she's at K-Mart."**

**Haldir walked around uncertainly. "Where are we?"**

**Legolas sighed. "You need to get out of Middle-earth more often."**

"**I do not! I am totally hip to the doings of Man…dude."**

**Faythe sighed. "Man, just shut up." She looked at a shirt that intrigued her, but quickly put it back when she saw the price. "Damn! That shirt was about $30!"**

"**Really? Wow, that's cheap!" Legolas exclaimed. He scurried over to that rack and plucked three of the shirts in various colors from the rack.**

**Jake cleared his throat. "Pick one."  
**

**Legolas looked from shirt to shirt, indecisive. "I don't know!"**

"I would choose the red one," Taro told him.

"Good choice!" Legolas said. He put the other two back.

"Are we done now?" Hiei asked.

"Nope!" Legolas said cheerfully. He threw the shirt to Jake and ran deeper into the store.

"Jake, go pay for that," Sara said. "We're already behind, I'll get Legolas. The rest of you get back on the bus."

The others nodded, but Sara had already left to find Legolas.

"Hiei," Haldir said. "That is one controlling woman you have there."

"I know," Hiei answered. "I know."


	20. Silent Ketchup

_Author's Note: I really don't understand about half of this chapter, so I can't say more about it. _

**Chapter Twenty**

**Silent Ketchup**

ON THE BUS

Legolas glared at Sara, who returned it.

"At least she let you keep the shirt," Kurama told him.

"Yeah…"

"Faythe, what's the name of the hotel?" Sara asked.

"We didn't book one yet…"

"Don't you ever prepare?" Taro asked Kurama.

Kurama smiled. "No. We go with the flow."

**Faythe leaned back and put her feet on the seat in front of her. "Yep. We flow-go."**

**Haldir chuckled. "I like that. That's clever." He chuckled more. "Flow-go."**

**Lee-lee started crying. Aragorn turned in his seat and saw that she'd set her blanket on fire. Again. He ran back to put it out. "This has to stop! I can't handle the demon-baby thing!"**

**Faythe smiled. "Aww, she's so cute."**

"**She belches fire! Literally!" Aragorn exclaimed.**

**Faythe got up and took over. "Stop it. You're being hysterical."**

**Hiei frowned. "Your daughter's a fire demon? Why? I thought your family's all-"**

"**I already made the joke, Hiei," Faythe replied. "My family's all mutted-up. I'm like ketchup." She grinned. "Heinz's 57."**

**Haldir sighed. "You're an embarrassment to the Elves."**

**Faythe snorted. "The Elves are an embarrassment to me."**

"**How did we start talking about this?" Sara asked, irritated. "We need to book a hotel, like, now! We're only a day and a half out of Kenya!"**

"**Ooh, ooh, can we go on safari?" Legolas asked eagerly.**

**Sara shuddered. "Safaris really don't turn out for us the way we want to." Everyone thought back to the Disney World experience. Well, Hiei, Aragorn, Legolas, Sara, and Faythe thought back to then.**

**Jake, who was driving, frowned. "Why are you all so pensive? What happened?"**

**Faythe shook herself out of it and smiled. "I'll tell you when you're older, Jake," she replied.**

"**Whatever."  
**

**They drove and the sky darkened. Suddenly, a thought struck Sara. "Where are we going to sleep tonight?"**

**Faythe, whose job it was to book hotels, grinned sheepishly. "Oops."**

"Baka. Someone get online and book a hotel."

Kurama, who was on top of things like always, frowned. "There aren't any around here. Not until we get to Kenya."

Sara glared at Faythe, who cringed against Aragorn.

"I said I was sorry!"

Sara was about to respond when thunder clapped overhead. The babies started to cry. Faythe got up and tried to soothe them, but they didn't stop.

"Shut them up!" Haldir shouted, causing the others to glare at him.

Sara and Taro had a whispered conversation before nodding. "Let me try," Taro said, so quietly Faythe barely heard him. He took the kids before Faythe could protest. Making a small cut on his finger, he let a drop of blood fall in each baby's mouth. Instantly, they fell asleep.

"Oh my God!" Aragorn shouted. "What did you do! I told Faythe we couldn't trust you!"

Taro stared at him, head tilted to the side. This was why he tended to avoid humans…

"They're fine," he said, his quiet voice seeming to boom over the thunder and now pouring rain. He had an air of authority no one had noticed before. Handing the kids back to Faythe, he climbed off the bus, muttering about humans and the problems they caused.

"This isn't a freaking horror movie," Sara said a little too calmly. "They're just asleep. They'll wake up after the storm. Of course…this is the rainy season. The storm might not let up for a while…"

"What!"

Sara regarded Aragorn for a moment. "Don't you ever watch the Discovery Channel?"

"No!"

Sara just shook her head sadly before opening the doors. "Taro! Get back in here. And, Azazel, if you can hear me, nice job!"

Taro climbed in, soaked to the bone and Faythe automatically switched to "Mother Hen Mode." She immediately started drying him off.

TWO HOURS LATER

Taro was finally beginning to dry off. Sara's ear twitched as she mixed some herbs in a bowl that had magically appeared. The stuff flashed red and she handed it to him. "Drink."

Taro didn't argue.

"So," Jake said. "Why haven't we fallen asleep?" A clap of thunder resonated off the walls, causing him to flinch. "Oh, yeah."

"When did you stop driving?" Haldir asked.

The others stared at him.

"Hours ago. Where've you been?"

Haldir didn't answer.


	21. Truth or Truth

_Author's Note: Here's a long-awaited playful chapter, though I warn you, it's quite long. Also: don't drink milk. It might come out your nose._

**Chapter Twenty-one**

**Truth or Truth**

"Hey!" Faythe said. "Let's play a game!"

**Everyone besides Taro looked at her dumbly. They all knew how Faythe's games turned out.**

"**Do you remember when Sara was kidnapped during B.S.?" Hiei asked.**

"**We're not going to play that kind of game," Faythe said.**

**  
Sara gasped. "Please tell me it's not…"**

"**Truth or Truth!" Faythe exclaimed happily. "I'll go first! Haldir, truth or truth?"**

"**What? Why do you present me with an option when is one choice?" he asked quizzically.**

**Faythe sighed. "Because it's a democracy. Choose."**

**He thought about it. "Truth."**

**Faythe considered a question. "Boxers or briefs?"**

"**I won't tell you that!" he exclaimed. "It's entirely none of your business!"**

"**You have to answer. You chose truth!"**

"**Fine! Boxers."**

**Faythe grinned. "What color?"**

"**Nope. I answered. I'm not obligated to tell you anything now."**

**Faythe sighed. 'You're no fun. It's your turn, anyways."**

Haldir frowned, thoughtfully. "Hiei, boxers or briefs?"

"You didn't give him his choice."

"Fine. Hiei, truth or truth?"

"This is a moronic game," Hiei said. He leaned against Sara, who wrapped her arms around him protectively, holding him to her chest.

"Why can't you ever be nice to other people like that?" Jake asked.

"I'm nice to people…"

"Name one."

"I'm nice to Kurama all the time."

"Enough!" Haldir shouted. "Truth or truth, Hiei."

Hiei sighed. "Truth…"

"Boxers or briefs?"

"Oh, come on!" Faythe said. "Be more creative!"

Haldir only watched Hiei expectantly. Hiei just smiled. He looked at Sara, who had choked slightly. Taro had turned red and Kurama coughed.

Soon, all four demons were laughing. Haldir looked at them, confused. Then, his eyes widened. "Oh…"

"Jake. Truth or truth?"

Jake thought for a moment. "Truth."

Sara whispered something in Hiei's ear.

"That sounds rather invasive, Sara…"

"So? Just ask him."

Jake looked nervously at Legolas. "I don't have to answer, do I?"

"No matter what the answer is, we'll all still love you," Sara told him. "Ask him, Hiei."

"Jake…top or bottom?"

"Whoa!" Faythe said. "Sara's perverseness rubbed off on him."

Jake just laughed. "It depends…Sara, truth or truth?"

"Hmm…choices…truth."

"Who was your first crush?"

Sara raised an eyebrow. "You…"

"I'm being serious!"

"Elijah Wood. Aren't these supposed to be personal questions?"

Jake smiled. "They can be as personal as we want."

Sara rolled her eyes. "Fine. Whatever. Now, let's see…who do I choose?" **She thought about it. "Aragorn, truth or truth?"**

"**Erm…truth," he replied.**

**Sara considered a question. Finally, a slow smile crept over her face and her eye gleamed. Aragorn looked afraid. "Aragorn, how many names do you have?"**

**Aragorn sighed. "I was afraid you'd ask something like this." He thought about it and counted. "Let's start with the easy ones…Aragorn, Strider, Longshanks, Dúnadan, Elessar, Estel, Thorongil, Wingfoot. I think that's all. It's eight, right?"**

**Faythe counted. "Yep! Now it's your turn!"**

**Aragorn rubbed his bestubbled chin thoughtfully. "Hmm…Legolas, truth or truth?"**

"**Truth," Legolas replied confidently.**

"**Red or blue?"**

"**No fair!"**

**Aragorn shrugged. "You have to answer it."**

**Legolas sighed. "Fine. Blue." He pouted. "I can't believe you made me come between my two favorite colors."**

"**You'll get over it eventually. Choose."  
**

"**Fine, I will! Taro, Truth or Truth?"**

**Faythe said loudly, "Let's play a different game now! Instead of 'Truth or Truth' come up with a 'Would You Rather…' question!"**

**Legolas rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Taro, would you rather…eat Swiss cheese or spray cheese?"**

"**What kind of question is that?" Taro demanded. Legolas shrugged. "Oh, fine. Swiss cheese!" He turned to Kurama and whispered, "What's spray cheese?"**

"Cheese in a can."

Taro gave him a confused look. "In a can?"

Kurama smiled. "It's hard to explain."

Taro just nodded absently. "Haldir. Would you rather…" This game was harder than the first! "…Wear pink, or wear a dress?" Being both a shadow demon and a guy, either choice was hideous in Taro's point of view.

"That's easy. I'd rather wear a dress."

Sara smiled at Haldir and he frowned. "It's a tunic!" he shouted.

Sara opened her mouth to retort but decided against it. She settled for muttering something instead.

"My turn," Haldir said, thinking. "Sara, same question."

"Boy, you're original tonight, aren't you?"

"Shut up and answer."

"I can't do both."

"Just answer the damn question!"

"Can we just play something else?"

Maybe later. We're waiting for your answer."

Sara sighed. "Fine." She took a deep breath before answering. "Green…"

Faythe started laughing, remembering the whole baby fiasco in Germany.

"That wasn't a choice," Haldir said.

"Alright, alright. I would rather wear a dress."

"Good. You can wear one in Kenya."

"Don't count on it."

"I dare you."

"This isn't truth or dare."

The others looked at her, thoughtfully.

"That would be rather interesting," Hiei said.

"I've never seen you in a dress," Taro added.

"None of you have," Sara said, coldly. "You never will."

"I double dare you."

Sara snorted. "I'm scared now."

"I double dog dare you."

"Oh, very mature, Haldir. Still, no."

"I triple dog dare you."

Sara looked nervously at Faythe. "No. You'll have to do better than that."

"**I'll thrice imaginary friend dare you!" Faythe put in. Sara sighed. She knew she couldn't contend with thrice imaginary friend dares.**

"**I still don't want to…" she said weakly.**

"**Yes, you do!" Legolas said happily. He clapped. "Oh, I can't wait to go shopping with you!"**

"**What? No way! We are not going back there! I hate shopping with you!"**

Legolas just smiled. "You could always wear that red one…"

"No!" Sara sighed in defeat. "I'll go shopping with you."

"Great! We'll have so much fun!" He proceeded to ramble on about how much fun they were going to have.

"Baka," Sara muttered.

"What?"

Sara just yawned. "I'm going to bed. I suggest you do the same."


	22. Restocking

_Author's Note: How did he make pancakes on the bus? Hmm…_

**Chapter Twenty-two**

**Restocking**

THE NEXT MORNING

"Wake up, guys!" Legolas shouted. Taro and Kurama were up and looked at him, but that was the only reaction he got. The others had learned to ignore him.

"I made pancakes. Come on, guys." He shook Sara, who opened an eye to glare at him before she turned over and buried her face in Hiei's neck. Her tail was under their heads as a pillow. "Go…away…" she muttered. "Go bother Faythe."

"But Faythe likes to sleep forever!"

"So do I sometimes."

"We have to get to Kenya."

"Then start driving," Faythe told him. She didn't sound very happy to be awake.

"Fine. I will."

"No!" Aragorn said as he sat up. "You're a hazard on the road. I'll drive."

**Legolas put his hands on his hips. "I am not!"**

**Jake put his arm around his shoulders. "Sweetie…yeah, you are."**

**Aragorn fired up the engine and everyone on the bus who was still asleep woke up. "What gives?" Hiei asked irritably.**

"**Time to hit the road. Duh," Faythe replied. "God, I need some coffee."**

"**Coffee…or what you put in the coffee?" Sara asked skeptically.**

"**Both." Faythe stretched and sat up. "Might as well stay awake now."**

"Why is it that you always succeed in getting them to do stuff?" Legolas asked, glaring at Aragorn.

"I'm King," came the reply.

"You aren't everyone's King," Taro said. Sara nodded in agreement.

"We aren't going to argue about this," Kurama said.

Faythe, in the meantime, was still grumbling about her coffee. Taro sighed and handed her a mug of coffee.

"How…did you-"

Taro smiled. "Being a demonic priest has its quirks."

Hiei muttered something about a waste of powers, but the others ignored him.

"Next stop, Kenya!" Aragorn shouted.

KENYA

Their first stop in Kenya was the only clothing store they came across.

"What's the problem?" Legolas asked Sara, who was frantically searching for an escape route through the throng of people. "Everyone shops here!"

"There's a reason for that," Sara muttered darkly before trudging deeper into the store. Legolas followed her, happily pointing out the various colors she could choose from.

"We need to restock our supplies and book a hotel," Aragorn told Kurama. "Do you think you and Taro can handle that?"

"Hai," Taro said, hugging Kurama. "Domesu ta shoenth."

"Use a language we can all understand."

Taro turned a nice shade of red before dragging Kurama out of the store.

Jake was staring after Legolas and Sara. "I fear for his life…"

"Don't worry about him," Faythe said. "She won't kill him."

Off in the distance, they heard what sounded like: "No pink!"

Faythe frowned. "At least…I don't think she will."

"Do you ever get the feeling that our lives are being dictated?"

The others looked at Jake like he was crazy.

"I mean, like right now, someone is choosing what we do and say. Like, somehow, we are destined to go from place to place and someone gets enjoyment from the trauma in our lives." **(Bressa: He broke the fourth wall!)**

More strange looks followed. After a short time, Faythe laughed. "You're crazy."

TARO AND KURAMA

"'**Restock supplies'…I suppose that means we have to go grocery shopping," Kurama said thoughtfully.**

**Taro nodded. "Where are the stores around here?"**

**Kurama shrugged. "We'll find some." They set off down the street.**

**LEGOLAS/SARA**

**Legolas held up a sparkly dress with itty-bitty stars on it. "Whatcha think? I think it would compliment your eyes nicely."**

**Sara growled. "I think you're crazy."**

"**Just try it," Legolas pleaded.**

**Sara growled again but took the dress to the dressing room, where she got it on as fast as possible.**

**Legolas knocked on the door. "Are you decent?"**

**Sara sighed. "Yes."**

**Legolas came in and gasped. "You look stunning!"**

**She did. The dress (black) made her eyes sparkle wit ha mischievous shine. Everything about her seemed more glamorous and more magical. Even she knew it. "Is it okay?" she asked.**

"**Is it okay? It looks great on you! We have to buy this!"**

"**Okay, okay, go out so I can change." She shooed him out and changed.**


	23. Digging Holes

_A/N: I'm so sorry that it took so long to get this up, but I've been working on my other projects at and I've been busy with the whole school thing, and, of course, I've wasted a lot of time coming up with excuses not to post. Please review, anyways, because I know there are more readers than my reviews are showing me. It only takes a second, please, it really helps me._

**Chapter Twenty-three**

**Digging Holes**

FAYTHE/ARAGORN/HALDIR/ETC.

"Well?" Faythe asked Sara and Legolas as they joined the group. "Where is it?"

"In the bag, dumbass."

Faythe glared at Sara. "That isn't nice."

Sara just shrugged. "I'll wear it to dinner tonight. We're going somewhere fancy."

"Why?" Hiei asked. God, if he had to wear a tuxedo again…

Sara crossed her arms over her chest. "Well. Someone's forgetful. I thought you would have remembered our anniversary."

"What! How could you forget your anniversary!" Aragorn shouted, glaring at Hiei.

Hiei glared back at him. "When's yours?"

Aragorn faltered, staring at him stupidly.

Sara rolled her eyes. "Men…"

Faythe nodded in agreement. "Did you get a restaurant?"

"Of course. I did my job."

"Well, aren't you just special."

Sara just smiled.

Legolas changed the subject. "Where are we going?"

Everyone shrugged. "Beats me," Jake replied.

Just then, the bus rolled up, Kurama at the wheel. Groceries filled over half of the "borrowed" vehicle. "Let's go!" Faythe said, hopping into the bus. Everyone followed suit.

HOLIDAY INN

"This is a change," Sara said as they got off the bus.

Faythe rubbed her eyes. "Its real!"

Kurama smiled. "No creepy names or workers kicking us out. All American room service and everything."

"Good Lord, Faythe. We've Americanized the poor boy."

Faythe smiled innocently. "We did no such thing. It just happened."

Kurama looked at Taro and shrugged. Taro just rolled his eyes. "Alright you two, let's just get rooms."

Aragorn's job was to get room keys, which he usually did quite effectively. This case was no exception.

When he returned, he passed them out. "Most of us are on the 2nd floor, but Legolas/Jake/Haldir are on the first floor. No more rooms up there, I guess."

Jake shrugged. "Whatever."

"Alright, people," Sara said, looking at the others. "No causing bodily harm to each other while we're here. No fighting. No…" She thought for a minute. "You know what, don't do anything we did in Egypt."

"We had fun in Egypt!" Faythe protested.

Sara just gave her a look. "True, but let's try to avoid getting thrown in jail."

"That was one time," Legolas said.

That was when the manger came over. "You are quite a famous group. Please leave my employees and other guests alone."

"That isn't nice," Faythe said. "We haven't done anything!"

"Yet," Hiei added.

"Still…" the manager said, "keep the nonsense to a minimum please."

"You think he knows what we did in Australia?" Faythe whispered to Sara. Sara burst out laughing.

Haldir grew indignant. "These people are not nonsensical; they are some of the most important figures in their societies!" He pointed to Aragorn and Faythe. "They're King and Queen of Gondor! And those two-" he pointed to Sara and Taro "-are the heirs to the Makai throne! You should be honored to have them here! How dare you insult your betters?"

The manager's eyes grew wide and bowed his head. "I am so sorry. I didn't know. Please, let me put you up in a suite."

Sara smiled graciously; something she'd been taught in "training." "That would be wonderful."

PRESIDENTIAL SUITE

Haldir smirked at Sara. "Well?"

"He didn't even know where Gondor and the Makai are! That was luck."

"Is that jealousy I hear, Miss Sara?"

"Don't count on it."

"Hey!" Faythe said. "Break it up, you two! We don't need a fight."

"Really," Aragorn added. "Try to behave."

Sara and Haldir just glared at each other.

Faythe sighed, exasperated. "Why don't you two get along? Can't you just try?"

Haldir threw his hands up. "She is the one who dislikes me."

"I despise you," Sara corrected.

"Yes, but why?" Faythe asked again.

Sara shrugged. "I don't like Elves."

"Hey!" Legolas exclaimed.

"Not you! The prissy ones. The Lórien Elves, in particular."

It dawned on her she was quickly digging a hole. "Not you Legolas. Just Haldir." She laughed nervously. "I'm going to shut up now." She glared at Haldir as she brushed past.

The others just watched her leave.

"That was interesting," Jake said.

Haldir frowned at him. "You're an idiot."

"Yeah…" Jake said dreamily.

Haldir's eyes widened. He was right? That wasn't anything new, of course, but someone agreed with him? These truly were strange times. He shook his head. "Why does she hate me? Does everyone know?"

The general consensus was "no."

"Hey, I've got an idea!" Faythe exclaimed. "Let's go somewhere! Do something! I want to have some fun!"

Aragorn smiled at her. "Sure."

Legolas clapped his hands together. "I know! Let's go on safari! I just got the perfect outfit for it!"

Everyone agreed that a safari would be fun. Hiei left to retrieve Sara.

"What'll we do till they get back?" Kurama asked.

Faythe grinned wickedly. "Truth or truth!"

ONE HOUR LATER…

Hiei and Sara returned, much to everyone's delight. Sara scowled. "What's this I hear about a safari?"

"We're going on one, apparently," Taro replied. He leaned into her ear and whispered, "Sara, what's a safari?"

Sara laughed loudly and clapped her hand on Taro's shoulder. "You're about to have some fun."


	24. Finally, the Laughter

_A/N: Safaris are fun, and they never work out well for us. Such is the case in our latest chapter. Please review!_

**Chapter Twenty-four**

**Finally…The Laughter**

SAFARI

"As long as we don't meet someone creepy like Dennis, I'm fine," Sara said. Hiei nodded in agreement and Faythe shuddered.

"First up," the guide was shouting, "is the gazelle. Notice how gracefully he jumps."

"Actually," Taro said quietly, "I'm noticing that thing sneaking up on him."

"That's a lion, dear," Kurama told him.

"He's still maturing," the guide continued, completely oblivious to what was going on behind him.

"Look out!" Taro shouted.

FIVE MINUTES LATER

Faythe patted Taro on the shoulder. "It's alright. He couldn't understand you anyway."

Taro nodded sadly. He smiled at Faythe. "Mai shing toke."

"Translation, please?"

"He said, 'That's life sometimes,'" Sara told them.

"Next up," the guide shouted over the crowd, buzzing with excitement. "We have the hippo! This is my favorite animal. Did you know that hippos' sweat is pink?"

"Did you know that hippos could destroy a boat, or car, in a matter of seconds?" Sara shouted.

The tour guide was quite for a minute. "Now, now, young lady. No need to scare the other people here."

"Honestly, Sara," Faythe said.

"Sometimes you scare me," Hiei added.

Sara just smiled.

**The tour guide cleared his throat. "Ahem, yes, well, next we have the lovely and graceful giraffe. This animal is one of the most practical specimens on the plains. Their long necks help them reach leaves, their long legs help tem escape predators, and their unique coloring helps them blend in with their environment."**

**"So…what's up with the little knobs on their heads?" Jake asked skeptically.**

**By this time, the tour guide was reminding them of a bleated tour guide in another type of Animal Kingdom. "Maybe we should lay off," Faythe said cautiously.**

**Sara rolled her eyes. "He's not going to be like Dennis."**

**"How do you know?"**

Sara gave Faythe a look. "I just know. Besides, the guys wouldn't let him take us." She looked at Hiei. "Right?"

"Of course."

"Can I please continue the tour now?"

The group looked at the guide. "Alright, alright," Faythe said. "No need to be so rude."

Haldir was about to start another speech, Aragorn could tell. "Haldir…don't."

Haldir nodded.

"Good," the guide said. "This…is a…"

"It's a unicorn!" the little girl next to Faythe shouted. "See, Mommy? I told you they're real!"

The guide was beginning to look like he wanted to throttle someone. **"It's a ZEBRA! ZEBRA are some of the most MAJESTIC CREATURES I know of! No one knows why the ZEBRA have their unusual markings, but no two ZEBRA have the same stripes. ZEBRA!"**

**Jake snorted. "Wow…he's lost it."**

Taro smiled. "I know this one! Zebra have stripes so that they can blend in with each other! That way, a predator can't tell one zebra from another!"

"Taro, that was probably not the thing to say," Kurama said quietly.

"The one time he knows what the hell we're talking about…" Hiei muttered.

The guide was staring at Taro. This just wasn't his day. "Shut up! I swear to God, I'll…"

"Give us candy?" the little girl asked.

Sara smiled at Faythe. "Ten bucks says he leaves us here."

**Faythe declined the bet.**

**The tour guide had a…mild meltdown. He started laughing manically and jumped off the bus/jeep thing. The driver, luckily, still had his wits about him, knew where he was going, and continued the tour.**

**Sara jumped up and grabbed a mike from the rack of back-ups in the front. "Welcome to the African Serengeti! Now, we're going to be doing things my way." She took swift control of things.**

**The drive decided it would be in his best interests to stay alive, so he did everything Sara told him. Her first order was, "Go back to the lions. And get me a gazelle."**

**AFRICA…SARA'S WAY**

"Are any of you squeamish?"

Taro started to raise his hand.

"Put your hand down. You don't even know what that means."

"You don't have to be rude, young lady," an elderly woman next to Taro said. "Treating such a nice young man like that. What is this world coming to?"

Sara looked surprised for a moment. "Right…we're gong to see this place the real way. None of that avoiding stuff. Stop the car."

The car stopped and Sara hopped out. "Well? Come on."

"This is madness!" someone shouted. "You can't expect us to all get out of the car!"

"We'll come back for it," Sara said calmly.

"Sara!" Taro shouted. "Look out!"

MINUTES LATER

"That was the correct way to escape a lion," Sara said, brushing herself off. "Were these normal conditions, I, and possibly all of you, would be dead." She smiled.

"She's so brave," the same woman from earlier said to Taro. "Do you two know each other?"

"Yes, ma'am," Taro answered.

Haldir rolled his eyes. "Yes. Very brave."

Sara smiled at him evilly. "Now, children, we'll see what fire ants do to human flesh."

"Ha! Shows how much you know! I'm not human!"

Sara just raised an eyebrow. Taro looked at Haldir, horrified. "I thought we weren't-"

Kurama covering his mouth cut him off. **"Shh…"**

**Faythe decided now would be a good time to intervene. "Sara…let me run it for a while."**

**Sara shrugged and handed over the microphone. "Knock yourself out."**

**AFRICA…FAYTHE'S WAY**

**"Let's go look at the antelope again!"**

"We've seen the antelope already," a little girl said.

"It was a gazelle, stupid," the boy next to her said.

"Bobby, stop being mean to your sister," their mother scolded.

Faythe smiled at everyone cheerfully. "Well, we're seeing them again."

Behind the group, a herd of gazelle, or antelope, was grazing peacefully without a care in the world.

"The gazelle are, as you can see, quiet animals," Faythe continued.

**"Antelope," the little girl muttered.**

**Faythe smiled. "Or antelope. But we're going to see those next." Faythe continued. "The gazelle are an important fabric in the tapestry of life. Behold! The majesty of nature's doings! Even though the lion eats the gazelle…as Sara showed us…the lion dies, his body decomposes and becomes the grass you see these delicate creatures grazing on now."**

**Taro wiped a tear from his eye. "That was beautiful."**

**"Did you understand what she said?" Hiei asked.**

**"…Some of it."**

**"Now we're going to see the antelope?" the little girl asked.**

"Yes."

The little girl cheered. "Antelopes!"

THE ANTELOPE

"The antelope are quiet creatures. They…"

"A lot of the animals here are quiet!" someone shouted. Faythe ignored him.

"They raise their young in herds. Oh my God! Their young! My kids!"

"They're fine!" Aragorn shouted. "They're asleep!"

Faythe sighed in relief. "Okay. Antelope are herbivores. That means they eat plants."

"Well, duh. Everyone knows that, lady."

Faythe glared at the little boy. "You are beginning to annoy me."

"I can solve that problem," Sara said.

The boy's mother looked at them horrified.

**"She was kidding, she was kidding," Haldir assured the lady.**

**"No, I wasn't," Sara grumbled, glaring at Haldir.**

**Faythe cleared her throat. "Let's get back to the town, shall we?"**


	25. The Crazy Waiter & Other Anecdotes

_A/N: We always manage to mess things up, don't we?_

**Chapter Twenty-five**

**The Crazy Waiter & Other Humorous Anecdotes**

TOWN

The passengers got out of the car, relieved they were finally able to escape.

"That was fun," Faythe said happily as they walked back to the hotel. It was a nice day, so they hadn't driven the bus to the safari.

Legolas, who was forever thinking about clothes, pointed across the street. "Sweet Eru! He has my outfit on!"

"Oh, Inari…"

"That's horrible," Taro said quietly.

"I know!" Legolas exclaimed, clearly outraged. "I have half a mind to go rip that outfit off of him!"

"You're obsessed!" Hiei shouted. "Listen to yourself! This is crazy!"

Legolas didn't answer.

**"That was fun!" Haldir exclaimed. "What are we doing next?"**

**"Next we're going to get food," Faythe replied. "That safari thing was cool, but they had no concession stand."**

**Aragorn sighed. Sometimes Faythe was a little too attached to her Hobbit blood. "Where do you want to go?"**

**Faythe shrugged. "I dunno."**

**"How about McDonald's?" Taro suggested. He'd never been to one before, and American fast food intrigued him.**

**"NO!" Faythe, Aragorn, and Jake shouted in unison.**

**Sara and Hiei remembered. They hadn't exactly been at McDonald's when it happened, but they knew about it. "Let's not and say we didn't," Sara replied to Taro. She patted his arm. "There are plenty of other places we can go. This is Kenya! We can eat McDonald's anywhere!"**

Taro looked a little upset before smiling. "Alright. Where do you want to go?"

ELMER'S (THE RESTAURANT)

"You had to pick this place?"

"It looks interesting, Faythe," Legolas said, opening the doors.

"Its named after a glue company!"

Everyone in the restaurant stared at her.

"Don't judge a book by its cover."

"It isn't the cover I'm judging."

The place was rather clean looking, the first clean restaurant they had seen in a while. Not since the fight, anyway. Fountains were everywhere. Fancy wallpaper, that matched equally fancy carpeting, covered the walls giving the place a royal atmosphere.

No one noticed this, however. They were all staring at the waiter in front of them.

"Welcome to Elmer's!" he said in a nasally voice before laughing. "I'll show you to your table." He grabbed about forty menus and walked to a table. The group followed him. "Not you!" he shouted. "These nice people over here." He waved his hand through the air towards invisible people.

"Why us!" Sara cried. "Why do we always get the crazy ones!" **She threw her hands in the air for dramatic effect.**

**They went back to the lobby area and waited for another waiter. The crazy one could be heard serving his invisible large party. "What can I get you to drink?"**

**Faythe rolled her eyes. "This is insane."**

**"No," Jake corrected, "he's insane."**

**A hostess came over. "Hi, folks. Smoking or non?"**

**"Depends," Sara joked, "Is smoking only for cigarettes?"**

**The hostess cocked an eyebrow. "…Yes."**

**"Oh," Sara said, "never mind then. Non!"**

**"Nine adults and two children?" she asked pleasantly.**

**"Yes," Faythe replied, in order to discourage Sara from being mean.**

**"Right this way." Their table was close to the invisible party. The waiter was setting out food for the large group. "Who ordered the veal?"**

**"Excuse me, miss," Kurama asked politely, "is that man an employee here?"**

**She looked at him and her eyes widened. "Nope! Never seen him before!" And she scurried off.**

**Legolas scoffed. "How incorrigibly rude!"**

**Hiei stared at him. "Where do you learn these words?"**

**"Internet," Legolas replied promptly.**

**Faythe was looking off into an obscure corner of the restaurant. "Hey, look! A saxophone!"**

**"NO!" everyone shouted in unison.**

**Faythe made a noise that sounded similar to but not quite as indignant as, "Hmph."**

The waitress came and took their orders. They got about halfway through the meal before any incidents. Everyone, of course, was aware of this and was on their guard. Something was bound to happen.

"Look at me!" the "waiter" shouted. "I'm a pretty ballerina!"

That outburst led to a chain of events better left to be described on a horror show.

THE LESS GRAPHIC VERSION

**The "waiter" spun around, running into the manager, who had come to remove him from the building, in the process of doing so. The manager, in turn, crashed into a waitress who had been carrying dishes. Food and glass flew everywhere, creating a horrible mess. People screamed, as they always do in a minor crisis and it all went downhill from there.**


	26. Making Bail & Going Home

_A/N: Final chapter! Thank you to all the readers for putting up with this craziness! Watch out for the next story, up and running soon!_

**Chapter Twenty-six**

**Making Bail and Going Home**

CITY JAIL

"I thought we decided we weren't going to end up here again," Faythe said, glaring at Sara.

"This is becoming a tradition! God, we'll be in and out of here forever!" Sara slumped against the wall. "Maybe we shouldn't have started that fight."

**"Ya think?" Legolas said sarcastically.**

**"Can we even afford to make our bail?" Hiei asked with a note of ironic despair.**

**Faythe shrugged. "How much was it?"**

**"It translates to fifty American dollars," Haldir replied. Everyone stared at him. "What? Did I say something?"**

**"How did you know that?" Jake asked incredulously.**

**"It's not magic. The bailiff mentioned it when we were arrested, and I listened."**

**"Well, then," Kurama replied in his dignified yet reserved manner, "Let's pool our resources."**

**They all tossed in their money. It came up to $49.95. "Oh, come on!" Sara exclaimed. "Someone has a nickel left!"**

**"I can write you a check for a nickel," Aragorn offered.**

**"I can charge it," Legolas replied.**

**"No," Taro said, sighing, "I think it has to be a real nickel."**

**"Well, that stinks," Faythe said, flopping on the bed. She stuck her hands behind the pillow and—voila! The missing nickel! "Huzzah!" she exclaimed.**

**Sara, who'd assumed she'd lost her mind, glared at her. "Shut up. We're moping."**

**"I have a nickel! I have a nickel!" she shouted, throwing it into the pot.**

**After hugs and cheers, they caught the attention of the jailer by their happiness. "Oh," he said, "Did you make bail?"**

**"YES! LET US OUT!" everyone shouted in unison.**

**"Well, alrighty then." He opened the door. "You're free to go."**

**And go they did.**

**WHERE THEY WENT**

"Welcome…to…" Sara faltered and looked around.

"Welcome to?" Haldir asked, irritably.

"Umm…I'm not sure."

"Wait," Faythe said, "Let me get this straight. Are we lost again?"

"I know where we are!" Legolas exclaimed. The others looked at him expectantly. He took a deep breath. "We're in Ethiopia!"

"Did we agree that Legolas wasn't allowed to drive anymore?" Hiei asked, leaning on the bus as he tried to get over the nausea from driving at breakneck speed through Africa.

"Jake drove," Kurama told him. He was also leaning against the side of the bus. Actually, the only members of the group that were even remotely okay were Jake and Legolas.

"Oh, suck it up!" Jake said. "Let's go find something to do!"

WHAT THEY DID

**They planned on spending the night in Ethiopia, so Aragorn went to book a hotel. Legolas went shopping and Jake went with to ensure he wouldn't make them bankrupt. And Sara was looking at plane fares, because tomorrow, they were going home.**

**The others; Faythe, Haldir, Hiei, Kurama, and Taro; were playing I-Spy.**

**"I Spy with my three eyes, " Hiei stated, "something yellow."**

**"Ooh, ooh!" Faythe said, jumping up and down. "Is it the bus!"**

**Hiei grinned sarcastically. "How'd you guess?"**

**"I'm special."**

**"Of course you are."**

**Aragorn came back, happy. "I got us a place!" he said excitedly. "And we can afford it, too!"**

**"Well, where is it?" Sara asked, looking up from the laptop.**

**"You'll see," Aragorn said as he climbed into the driver's seat. They took off.**

**"Hey! What about Legolas and Jake?" Haldir asked.**

**Aragorn grinned. "They're already there."**

"THERE"

"The Easy Sleaze" shone in bright red letters above the hotel.

"I already like it," Sara said. Faythe nodded in agreement.

"I told you," Aragorn said. "You can trust me!"

"Unlike some people," Sara added, glaring at Jake.

"Just because my driving skills are less than adequate."

"They suck! But, that isn't what I was talking about."

"Well, then, what?"

Sara ignored him. **"Where's our rooms, Aragorn?" she asked, pointedly not speaking to Jake.**

**"Believe it or not," Aragorn said, "It's in the sweet."**

**"Don't you mean the suite?" Haldir asked.**

**"No," Aragorn replied, "I mean the 'Sweet!'"**

**"SWEET!"**

"Oh…my…God…"

"This place is huge!" Faythe said, sounding very excited.

It was huge. They all looked around, clearly in awe, as Aragorn smiled at them. "Welcome to the 'Sweet!'" he said. "This isn't even the best part. We have separate rooms!" He handed out key cards.

"We need to discuss tomorrow so we know what we're doing," Kurama said. "I don't want a repeat of some of our less fortunate adventures."

**"Like what?" Sara asked indignantly. "Everything we do is usually planned!" She paused. "Okay, that sounded like less of a lie in my head."**

**"We have our tickets for he plane home tomorrow," Hiei said to Kurama. "We take off at three pm."**

**"So…what'll we do 'til then?" Faythe asked.**

**"…I don't know." Sara chuckled. "Huh."**

**AND SO…**

**That evening, they mostly sat around the "Sweet!" which always seemed to surprised them with cool stuff. Game stations, movie screens, and automatic hand dryers appeared from nowhere. That night, they packed for going home.**

**ON THE PLANE**

**"The wheels on the plane go round and round…" Faythe sang. She wasn't being purely stupid, she was trying to entertain Vinnie and Lee-lee.**

**"Remind me never to have children," Sara told Taro.**

**"Children are a blessing!" Kurama scolded.**

**Hiei scoffed. "In our hands? I don't think so."**

**"We'll be arriving in Detroit-Metro Airport in approximately ten minutes. Please do not be alarmed when the plane begins its descent," a stewardess read off a cue card. "Thank you for flying with us! Remember—on Ethiopian Airlines, you're in good wings!"**

**Something white smashed into the side of the plane. Sara, who was able to see who (or what) it was, groaned. "Stupid angel…"**

**"Please do not be alarmed by the angel stuck on our right wing," the stewardess said. "He will blow off eventually and will not be damaged."**

**Just then, the plane began to descend sharply. "We'll be landing…now." And the plane touched down. They were home.**

**After grabbing their luggage, they saw that the now badly beaten angel was coming toward them.**

**"Azazel?" Sara asked incredulously.**

**"Sara! Watch out for the-"**

_**SHWUMP!**_

**They walked into a dimensional rift, and were thrown into…**

**Middle-earth.**

**END!**


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